Help me understand
by britanastonay
Summary: Callie has ever only known one way do deal with the pain of her past. She doesn't see it as being self destructive but soon it will be coming back to haunt her. Can Stef and Lena help her stop before it is too late? Trigger warnings this is a story about self harm and will be dealing with abuse.
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: Hey guy's I am starting a new story but don't worry I haven't forgotten about The best is yet to come I will be updating that soon as well. Any way's i decided not to add self harm to The best is yet to come so I am just doing another story about it. So if you have any triggers that involve anything to do with self harm please do not read this I personally know how hard it is to get passed that and i don't want anything to happen to any of you. So with that out of the way here it goes.**_

Callie sat on the floor of the bathroom leaning against the edge of the tub. The shower was running but she had no intention of entering it. It was just a precation so no-one in the house would enter the bathroom. This was something she did not want to be interupted. The cool tile felt good against her hot skin but that was not the relief she was wanting. No the relief she was craving came from the razor blade that she was holding in her right hand. The way the light reflected off of the blade made her breath catch. She couldn't wait to feel the coolness of the blade against her wrist. She couldn't wait to feel the way her blood ran down her skin. And most of all she couldn't wait for all the pain to stop.

If asked she would say she was not suicidal though there were points she wished it all to end. No the reason she used this was to make everything in life to come to a stand still. She just needed a break from reality this was the only way that had ever worked for her. Of course Callie knew no one would understand and the would make her stop. Or at least they would try to make her stop. When she was in juvie it was far and few between the times she could use this method and she never wished to go that long ever again. When she would feel the blade gliding across her skin it was like magic, the thoughts that were swirling around in her mind would quiet and she would finally have a bit of calm in this crazy world. Those were the moments that would help her get through the day, on hard days like today she would count down the hours before she could sneak away and find her relief.

Looking down at the blade once more a small smile crept across her lips as she guided it to her left wrist. Making one, two, and then three long cuts she paused to watch as the skin went from white and then too and angry red. She watched as her skin went from a milky white then to a deep red and the blood started to pool on her wrist. It slowly but steadily started to trickle down before falling to the floor. This was the part that mesmerized her that calmed her. The steady flow of blood grounded her showed her that her life my get rocked from time to time, she may be moved from one home to the next but that steady flow of red liquid would always be there to catch her when her world got flipped upside down.

Her heart that had been beating out of her chest had now started to slow to a more normal tempo. Before too much blood had fell to the floor Callie moved so her arm was now handing over the inside of the tub. The blood fell into the stream of water and was quickly washed away down the drain. She sat like this for a few more minutes relishing in the sting that was now all she could focus on. Part of her mind had kept track of the time she knew someone would be coming up in a little to see if she was okay. She had figured out since coming to the Foster's house they usually gave you about twenty minutes to shower. Unless it was morning then you had a concierably less amount of time. Though she never showered in the morning ten minutes was not enough time too do this no matter how much she wished it was.

Sighing she grabbed the rag that she had placed next to her when she first sat down. No one even knew she had this rag it was blood stained. She kept it clean by hand washing it. Infected cuts were never fun to deal with and too so much longer to heal. She had learned that the hard way. Pressing the rag against her wrist she sat on the edge of the tub waiting for the flow of blood to reduce enough that she could put on her shirt. Even though she was wearing a black long sleaved shirt she did not want to chance the blood seeping through and Stef or Lena seeing the blood. They would be harder to convince that everything was fine if they saw the blood or cuts on her wrist. She had never been in a home where the parents actually cared. It was nice but it made cutting hard. They had made comments about her wearing long sleaves all the time but she just would shrug them off and say something about liking them. After that they hadn't really brought it up again. But she had freaked out that night. Callie knew they hadn't seen anything she was extreamly catious about it but she was afraid they would ask more questions. To her suprise they left the subject alone. Her past foster homes had cared less about what she did even if they did see the cuts they didn't say anything all they cared about was the check they got in the mail every month for her and Jude. One foster dad had ence said he didn't care what she did with her body her just told her not to get any blood on his carpet.

Lifting the cloth from her wrist she was glad to see that the stream of blood had come to a small trickling. Standing she reached over and shut the water off. She walked over to the counter and turned on the hair dryer to giver her self some more time to actually get it to stop completely. She of course would wrap them just incase they reopened but she did not want to have to clean up more that she already did. Looking over to where she had been sitting a few moments ago she sighed and walked over wiping up the small pulled of blood of the floor making sure to get every last drop. She walked back over to the counter and set to the task of wrapping her wrist, making sure that it wasn't too far down on her wrist so that if her sleave slid up it could be seen. She picked up the hair dryer and ran it over her hair a few times to make it look as though she had been doing what it sounded like she had been. Since she started cutting she had gotten very good at hiding her true actions. She was strangely proud of this fact. Shutting it off she put it back in its place before reaching under the sink pulling out her hiding spot for all of her suplise. The only place she knew none of the boys would ever look. An empty tampon box. She and Mariana had their own so she wasnt worried about the other girl finding them. And Stef and Lena never came in their bathroom so she wasn't worried about them either. Getting dressed and Taking one last look around the bathroom she nodded to her self before opening the door, she jumped when she saw Stef standing on the other side with her hand raised.

"Sorry sweets I didn't mean to scare you. I was just coming to tell you that dinner will be in ten." The older woman said as she lowered her hand to her side.

"It's fine i just wasn't expecting anyone to be there. I'll be down there in a few minutes." Stef smiled and her and then headed back down the hallway towards the stairs. Callie watched the older woman dissapear before leaning against the wall. She hated being suprised like that. One of her past foster homes one of the foster mothers would always apear like that when she was upset and it would never end well for the young girl.

Heading down the stairs Callie put on her show face and walked to the kitchen where everyone was already sitting around the table. She took the only empty seat that was next to Stef. Callie had nothing against the woman but her being a cop made Callie nervous. The woman was very perseptive and never missed anything. One slip up and her secret would go up in flames.

Dinner had been a calm event well calm for this family. The house was always loud and busy with five teenagers in it. But tonight was a pretty calm event. Which Callie was thankful for she was still running on her high from her session and she hadn't wanted it to end just yet. Thankfully with so many people in the house she could just fade into the backround. She would input her and there just enough for it to seem like she had inculded her self in the conversation but not enough to draw attention to her self. It was a fine line but she was extreamly good at walking it. She knew how much was just enough and she used that knowlage to her avantage.

Dinner was over fairly quickly but it was her night to do dishes so she couldn't dissapear upstairs like she wished she could. It always suprised her how many dishes seven people used. Shaking her head at the mountain that had been piled in the sink she went to work losing her self in her mind. So much so that she hadn't noticed Lena talking to her until she felt the older womans hand on her shoulder. When she felt the contact she spring back to reality and jumped dropping the plate she had been scrubbing and watching as it fell to the floor and shattered.

Callie quickly dopped to the floor and began trying to pick up the larger peices of broken glass.

"Callie don't move. You have no shoes on and I don't want you to cut your self." Lenas voice filled her ears but the poinding of Callie's heart had made it hard to hear her. Flash back of the last time she had broken something were playing in Callies mind.

 _A Thirteen year old Callie had been helping foster mom number four cleaning the kitchen. By helping it meant the older woman was sitting at the table drinking a gin and tonic which was ninty percent gin, watching as the young girl picked up after her dinner. Her and Jude hadn't been allowed to eat that night with the excuse of not having enough money to get them anything when she had gotten off work. She had told them that if there was anything left they would be allowed to have it. Of course there hadnt been, but both children knew better than to complain._

 _"Callie get me another drink." She heard the woman say. She had never asked Callie to do anything if she said jump they were expected to jump. Callie turned from washing dishes and walked over taking the now empty glass from the older womans out stetched hand and walked to the fridge filling the glass with ice before going over to the counter and mixing the drink. She turned to walk back towards the woman not noticing the puddle of water on the floor. Before Callie knew what was happening she had slipped and the glass slipped out of her damp hands and fell to the floor shattering in a million little pieces. Her eyes met her foster mothers from across the kitchen her own widening in fear as she saw the rage in the womans eyes. She took a few steps back as the woman quickly advanced on her. She knew she had no where to go when her back hit the counter._

 _The womans hand had wrapped around Callie's slender arm and her other was flying though the air at the young girls face. The back of her hand had connected with Callie's cheek sending her flying into the pile of broken glass. Shards of it had impaled in the young girls arm as she tried to break her fall._

 _"Stupid girl! Do you know how expensive all this is? No of course not you and your brother are ungreatful little brats who don't care about anyone but your selves!" She continued with her rant ans Callie laid there knowing better than to stand before the older owman left the room. It had only taken a few minutes before she grabbed another glass and left the room with instructions to clean up the mess. Sadly enough that wasn't the first or last time Callie had been hit in one of the homes. She had grown used to it by then. No matter how much she wished this wasn't her life she knew there was nothing she could do to change that fact._

 _Looking down she was surprised to see the multiple streams of blood flowing down her arm. She had forgotten she had been throw into a pile of glass. The fact that surprised her the most was it actually felt kind of good. The cuts had taken her mind off the pain in her cheek and the slight sadness she felt about another foster parent who couldn't care less about her or Jude's well being._

"Callie? Love?" She looked up to Lena who was standing next ot her now all of the glass picked up by that point.

"I'm sorry." Came the girl's weak reply that was no louder than a whisper.

"It's fine love accidents happen. That is not the first plate to have been broken in this house. I'm almost possitive that Stef alone has broken about ten her self."

"Hey" Came Stef's reply who Callie hadn't noticed was in the kitchen as well. They both looked to the girl and it was clear she was afraid. Neither knew of what but it was clear to them something about the broken plate had triggered this reaction from the young girl.

"How about you go join the rest of the kids in the living room and watch the movie with them. Mom and I will finish this." Before she could argue Lena had already pushed her towards the living room.

 _ **AN: So thats chapter one. What do you guys think? I have been toying around with this for a while now but I wasn't quite sure about it.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Callie's eyes shot open she looked over at the alarm clock in the room and groaned as she read that it was only four in the morning. She had been awake until three and had only got an hour of sleep. Her mind and body were both exhausted. For a few weeks she had only been getting a few hours of sleep a night. No matter what time she went to sleep or how tired she was she always woke up at exactly four in the morning. She didn't even need an alarm clock it just happened.

Groaning she rolled out of bed and stetched. A formilliar pain sent through her nerves and her eyes glanced to her left wrist. With out even turning on the light she manuvered through the bedroom to the bathroom that all of the kids in the house shared. Making sure to lock both doors Callie tuned on the light and turned towards the sink pulling out the peroxide and some new bandages. She rolled up her sleve and slowly took off the old bandage noticing that some blood had seeped through and was showing on the outside. Callie was greatful she had always worn long sleeves around the house or this would be extreamly hard to do. Granted there were other areas of her body she could cut but those other areas took more cuts to clear her mind. There was just somthing about her wrists that fealt better to Callie.

Callie winced as she pulled the tape off her wrist as it tugged on the cuts irritating them further. This was the only part of cutting that bothered Callie. Cleaning them and making sure they don't become infected was a very tedious job. Sighing soflt Callie took out some peroxide opening it and poured it over her wrist . The singing was enough to clear her mind from the night before. Closing her eyes she allowed her self to relish in the feeling for a few moments before begining her well rehersed motions of applying ointment and bandages. Rolling her sleave back down Callie headed back to the room she shared with Mariana. Looking back at the clock she was suprised to see that fourty five minutes had passed since she woke up. Knowing she was not going to get anymore sleep Callie reached in her closet and grabbed cloths for the day. She didn't bother even looking at what she had grabbed , she honestly didn't care all of her cloths matched. She had three pairs of jeans and only a few long sleeved shirts so everything pretty much matched.

She knew Mariana was a heavy sleeper and would not wake up Callie still wouldn't chance her waking up and seeing the scars that littered her body. She knew the moment the younger girl saw them she would go straight to Stef and Lena expecially if she noticed the fresh bandage on her arm. They would probably send her and Jude back to the system and Callie refused to let that happen to Jude. She could deal with it but the state would not split them up. She had told Bill before that he should do just that. Jude was a sweet kid and any family would want him. She knoew he had better luck than her and would be placed in a good home. Callie could face the system on her own. Time and time again she had taken the punishments that were given. Even if she hadn't been home for the incident that caused one of their many foster parents to become angry. Her and Jude had come up with a good plan after the first time that Jude had been hit. The paln was for Jude to run and hide locking him in the safes place he could find and wait there until she came to him.

Every home they had been to the first day they got there they would scout the home and find the only place to hide. If he was to ever get in trouble he would run there as fast as he could and lock him self into it and then when Callie came home she would take his punishment. None of the parents had ever seen a problem with that. They got to beat someone and that was all they ever wanted. The only one who Callie hadn't been able to convince of this had found Jude in one of his ex wifes dresses and Callie couldn't get him off. So she went after the only object he cared about which was his car. That was the night that ended her up in juvie. Jude refused to tell her what had happened in those six months that she had been in there. She knew he was trying to ease her guilt but it hadn't worked. Knowing that she hadn't been there for her little brother ate her alive and caused her more pain that any beating she had ever recieved.

Shutting the door quietly once again Callie changed quickly before heading down stairs and started a pot of coffee. Time and time again Lena had tried to get her to stop drinking the stuff but with how little sleep she was able to aquire she would never be able to get through the day with out her fix of caffeine.

Pouring her self an generous amount into a large cup Callie settled down at the table and dor a large gulp. The coffee had yet to cool but the burning sensation didn't bother her.

"Up early again love?" Callie was glad she had set her cup down moments before as the sudden apperance of Stef's voice filling the room had made her jump. How had she not heard the older woman entering the room or even coming down the stairs. No matter how softly she walked down them she always made noise as she crept down them.

"Callie?" Shaking her head Callie looked at Stef as she had sat across from her with her own cup of caffee in her hands. Callie hadn't noticed that she had went into her own little world. Stef was staring at her concern showed all over her face.

"Oh uh yeah." She stuttered out a reply to the question that Stef asked as she entered the room.

"You okay sweets?" Stef asked as she reached across the table to try and comfort the young girl only to be denied as Callie quickly slid her arms off the table. They constantly tried to entitiate physical contact to let Callie know she was safe with them that they would never harm her the way she had been in the past, but the girl always pulled away. Honestly though that fact did not shock the older woman she saw children of abuse all the time being a police officer and it was a normal reaction from them. The only thing she didn't understand was how Jude was so happy and did not shy away from contact like his older sister did. When asked about it both of the children would clam up and mutter excuses about homework or another excuse.

"Yup completely fine nothing's wrong." Callie cursed her self as she spoke those words. That lame response would diffinitely tell Stef something was wrong with her.

"You know you can talk to me Callie. About anything." Stef's voice was sincere and Callie knew she meant it but her walls were far to high and strong to get through. The strange thing about building them is yes they protect you from getting hurt over and over again, but once you find someone who truely cares about you you can't lower them to where you care right back. Though for Callie she didn't want to lower them she wanted to to build them higher and stronger. She just had a few more years before she was on her own. Then she would be her own person. She wouldn't have to put on show faces or be someone she isn't.

"I know im just tired. I didn't sleep much last night." She responded with a shrug.

"Well if you need anything you know you can come to me or Lena." Stef said taking a drink of her coffee.

"I know but it's nothing either of you can do to help I'll be fine i promise. I just need some sleep which I'm sure i will get tonight." Callie knew that wasn't true but she was saying anything she could to try and get the older woman to stop asking all of her questions. She wished the woman didn't care as much as she did. It was easier to lie when she the person didn't care what was going on in her life. They weren't looking for lies but Callie knew Stef was.

"Well if you are sure." It was clear Stef didn't believe her but te woman knew better than to push the young girl into talking it would just cause her to retreat further into her own mind.

They sat in silence sipping their coffee until the formiliar noises of the morning rush of screaming for the bathroom and arguing over times.

"It amazes me that you are the only one who was smart enough to take showers at night." Stef said a smirk forming on her lips.

"I don't know if anyone else has even concidered it." Callie replied with another shrugg. "They are always running late."

"Well at least we know who the smart one is." Lena said as she entered the kitchen going to pour her self a cup of coffee only raising her eye brow at the cup that sat in front of Callie. They had had this argument many times. They finally got the girl to agree to only one cup a day so it was a start.

"Hey I'm on time." Mariana said as she entered the kitchen.

"Yeah today." Came Brandon's responce as he walked in right behind her.

"No more arguing today guys we only have ten minutes before we leave and I do not want to have to stop world war three this morning." Stef said raising her eye brow at the two challanging them to argue with her. They raised their hands in surrender.

"Alright I am going to go see if your brothers are ready you three go wait in the car." They exited the house and went and sat in the car waiting for the rest of the house to get in the car. Callie just wished today would go better than yesterday had.


	3. Chapter 3

The ride to school was filled with fighting and moping. Mariana was upset that Jesus had got the front seat when she wanted it. Usually the person who got the front passanger seat got to choose the music and she apperantly did not like Jesus's choice. Callie didn't notice though because she had her head phones in and wasn't paying attention to anyone else. It was about a twenty minute ride to school and there were just some days she could not deal with all the fighting that went on. Ninty percent of the time it was about stupid things like the fight had been about today. Callie never understood the apeal of getting the front seat every day there was a fight about it and she really didn't understand it what was so special about that coveted seat its not like it would be more comfortable than the back seats. Besides she really never wanted it usually she would choose the seat behind Lena that way there was less of a chance that Lena would try to talk to her or ask any questions.

When they got to school everyone piled out of the car and headed their own directions. They all had their own groups of freinds that they just had to see in the morning. It had been about a month since Callie had started coming to this school and she basically hated every single person who went here. It wasn't like they were her biggest fans either. Ever since they found out she was a foster kid who had been to Juvie a huge red target had been placed on her back and everyone saw it. She was their target for them to throw insults at her. There were points where she had been pushed into lockers and plenty of other cliched bully tactics. Callie wondered if they knew she had been through a hundred times worth. Being pushed into a locker didn't phase her. She had been pushed down a flight of stairs before causing her to break her arm in two seperate places. The foster family they were with at that point had waited two days to take her to the hospital. The only reason they had was when Callie went to school that monday a teacher had seen how messed up her arm was. The family had claimed she had hid it from them and had never once complained about it. Of course she hadn't know it would just cause something worse to happen to her. Fear makes you do crazy things. Of course it had hurt like hell but she had been so afraid to reach out for help. They had stayed with that family for two months after that family had finally sent them back saying they were far to much trouble for their liking. Well it was more Callie was far to much trouble, they had wanted Jude. The family was extreamly nice to the young boy.

There he was well fed and taken care of. The couple had wanted a son. When they had heard about Jude they jumped at the chance of having him, not knowing he came with the baggage in the form of a ten year old sister. His room had been well furnished and filled with toys. Her room had a bed and dresser that was it. She got to keep her old hand me down cloths and they had bought him and entire new wardrobe. But she hadn't been jelous of him, he deserved everything they gave to him. And by that age she had been convinced that she deserved everything she got as well. That was another reason why she had never told any athorities about what had actually caused her boken arm. As long as Jude was happy she could deal with anything thrown her way.

Callie had finally made into school when she was met by a group of girls who seemed to have been waiting for her because the second she stepped through that door their voices filled her ears.

"Hey Foster oh wait you aren't really a part of that family. You aren't a part of any family cause no one wants you." Callie tried to pretend like those words didn't hurt her but no matter what she told her self they did they hurt a hell of a lot. She tried to keep walking but they stepped in front of her blocking her path.

"Got nothing to say freak?" She just looked up at them a fire filled her eyes but she said nothing. She didn't want to fight. No matter if it was their fault which it would be no one would believe her and she would be sent back to Juvie and torn away from Jude once again.

"Maybe if you change everything about you and get a new face then a family would want you." Why was it that girls always went to insulting looks? CAllie knew she wasn't the prettiest girl in the world but there had been people who told her she was pretty. When ever someone told her she was ugly she tried to hold on to hearing those words spoken but it was getting harder and harder to do every time those words cut into her mind. Her mom used to tell her never to listen to negative words thrown her way because the people throwing them were just insecure about them selves. She used to be able to listen to that but it was getting harder to hear her moms voice. Itwas slowly fading and Callie could barly remember what she sounded like. That was the most painful thing of all. All of these voices were filling her mind and replacing the one voice that meant the most to her.

"I bet your little brother hates you as well. I mean how many homes have you been in? How manyof those have you been thrown out of that would have kept him? If i were him I would be wishing you were't my sister." Those words were what broke Callie's statue state. She pushed through their wall and all but ran to the nearest bathroom. No matter what she wished those words were true Jude would be better off with out her, she was holding him back from being happy and safe.

Callie entered one of the open stalls and slammed the door locking it. The dam that had ben holding all of her bottled up emotions at bay that she had worked so hard to push down came to the surface. She knew she needed to get to class but that was the last thing on her mind. Right now all that was going through her mind was the need to cut. Last night it had been just an itch. Right now it was what she needed or she knew she would break from all the emotions filling her body. If she didn't cut she was sure her body would burst at the seems from them wanting to get out. she was feeling everything. All the pain and sadness. All the anger and rage. It was all assaulting her mind and she needed to get them back in check.

Reaching in her bag with shaking hands, she manuvered to where she knew her trust blade sat incase of emergancies like this. Right now she was thankful that through all of the haze she had picked the handicapped stand and slid down the wall. Pulling up the sleeve on her right arm she pressed the blade agaisnt her skin and pressed down making a quick deep cut. It was deeper than intended but it helped more than a shallow cut would have.

Callie watched as the blood quickly flowed from the but and down the sides of her wrist. It wasn't enough though so she made a few more just as deep. The blood was flowing a lot more heavily than last night but watching it had calmed her down profusely. The voices were still there in her mind screaming how useslss and selfish she was. How it would be better if she wasn't even on this planet anymore. But they were finally quieting down. Leaning her head back she winces slightly as it made a dull thud against the her eyes and taking deep breaths Callie sat there relishing in the feeling of numbness that was washing over her. Right now she didn't care that the late bell was had rang five minutes ago. Or that her teacher would Tell Lena. No all she cared about was this feeling. It felt as though the blood she was losing was taking all the negative thoughts and emotions and pouring them on the floor mix with her own blood. She would take the numbness over any emotion anyday. It didn't cause her any pain.

Looking at the ground and noticing the pool of blood Callies eyes widened at the size of it. Reaching over she pulled a generous amout of toilet paper out of the holder and put a great amout of pressure on the wounds. No matter how much she wished she wasn't here anymore she refused to die. She couldn't do that to Jude. If she died he had nothing. It was kind of ironic to Callie that she was okay if they split them up but refused to leave him in the way of death. If they were seperated he would know he still had family out there. But If she died he had nothing. Sure there dad was still out there but they hadn't heard from him in years so Callie refused to count him. If he didn't want them then she didn't want him.

It took a good amout of time for the bleeding to finally stop enough that Callie could wrap them. Reaching in her bag she took great care in making sure they were covered enough and even doubled up on the amount of gause she used incase the cuts reopedned and blead through. She wished she hadn't worn a light colored shirt today but al of her other ones needed cleaned. Kids at this school noticed every little thing about her and if they saw blood on her sleeve they would waste no time in ruining this for her and using it against her.

Reaching up and running her hand over her face Callie was suprised to find her cheeks wet she hadn't even noticed the tears leaking from her eyes. She reached over and grabbed her phone looking at the time. First period had twenty minutes left there was no point going now. So she set to work cleaning up the stall the pool of blood was her first task. She used almost a full half roll of paper. She flushed it all and then flushed the bandage wrappers not wanting anyone to find them.

Callie stood up and headed out of the stall catching sight of her self in the mirror it was obvious she had been crying her eyes were blood shot and puffy. She was glad then that she hadn't tried going to class. That would not have been any good for her. She was seriously contemlating just skipping the rest of the day but that would not go over well with Stef or Lena. She knew she would be in enough trouble as is for missing first period. She hoped she had enough time before Lena came looking for her to make up an excuse for skipping this class. Not that it would matter she would be in trouble anyway. And she refused to tell Lena she missed it because a group of teenage girls caused her to cry. Obvously she wasn't going to mention the cutting. Maybe she could say she just wasn't feeling well.

When the bell rang for the end of second period enough time had passed to make it look like Callie hadn't just been crying. Stepping out of the bathroom Callie walked through the crowded hallway trying to avoid being pushed over by students rushing to get to their next class. The campus was bigger than a normal school so some students had to run from one side of the school to the other. She felt bad for those people but was glad she wasn't one of them. She felt her phone vibrate and was shocked because no one but her family had this number and none of them ever had texted her during school before. Unlocking it she saw it was Brandon who had sent the message. When she read it, it caused her to almsot stop dead in her tracks.

Mama is looking for you and wants you to go to her office now.

Well that didn't take long for her to hear about Callie not being in class. She contemplated ignoring it and just going to her next class but thought better of it she knew she was in enough trouble as it and didn't want to make it worse. So she turned around and started to head back the way she came from heading to the main office. She was almost there when a body slammed into her causing her to slam into a set of lockers. The moment she felt her right arm hit the unforgiving metal she knew all of the fresh cuts she made had reopened. The person who had ran into her hadn't even said a word just looked at who they had ran into and walked away. Apperantly she wasn't worth wasting an appology on. Corecting her stance she started to make her way to the office once again. The closer she got the slower she started to walk. That saved her some time but not enough before she knew it she was standing in front of the vice principals secretary desk.

"Ah Callie Vice principal Adams is waiting for you in her office. Go on in." Callie glanced at the closed door and took a deep breath before knocking softly andentering the room.

"Callie would you shut the door behind you?" The younger girl took in the older woman and she could tell she wasn't happy. Closing the door she went and took the seat in front of Lena's desk."

"So I got an interesting call from your history teacher. They asked me if you were sick cause apperantly you did not show up to class. Care to tell me why that is?" Lena's voice was sharp but it didn't have an angry tone to it. Though Callie had a hard time reading the two women who were fostering them so she couldn't tell what the woman was feeling. Her voice sounded more dissapointed than anything. And that hurt Callie more than her screaming at her ever would. Anger she knew how to deal with but dissapointment no. Dissapointment meant they expected something better from her. It meant they cared enough about her to want her to do better for her self.

Looking down at her lap in shame Callie's eyes widened slightly as she caught site of her sleeve a small patch of blood had started to seep though the fabric.

"Callie?"

"Huh? Oh uh I didn't mean to miss that class. I woke up with a head ache and I thought it would go away but as the morning progressed so did my head ache and it formed into a full blown migrane. I stepped in the bathroom to splash my face with some cool water and O was in a lot of pain and had to sit down. I was going to go to the nurse but my vision was so blurry that I couldn't see." She didn't know where the lie came from but she was glad she had had a few migranes at their house and when she did have them they were really bad so it was acually a beleivable lie.

"Why didn'y you call me then Callie or tell me or Stef about your head ache you know how the progress." The womans voice had softened quite a bit by this point.

"Well like i said I really couldn't see and sound really wasn't being my freind so I really could call even text you for that matter. I'll take what ever punishment that comes my way but really I didn't mean to miss that class."

"How are you feeling now." Callie stopped to think about this question. If she said fine she would have to go through the rest of the day trying to hide the sleeve of her shirt which the blood stain was steadily growing, and hiding it would be a challange since it was the hand she wrote with. But if she said she wasn't feeling much better Lena would call Stef to come pick her up and Stef would easily see it. But it would be easier to hide from one set of eyes that a hundred.

"My head still hurts but i can finish the day." She finally said.

"No if your head still hurts you are going home. If your migrane was anything like last time I'm suprised you are walking right now. I am going to call Stef and have her come get you."

AN: I promise i will update The Best IS Yet To Come as soon as possible. I am having a bit of trouble writing the new chapter for it. I promise i have not forgot about it. But until then i hope you guys enjoy this story.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Hey guys i know a bunch of you want me to have Stef and Lena find out about the cutting in this chapter and I'm sorry to say that will not be happening just yet. But don't worry it will soon just maybe not in the next few chapters. Normally I would give you guys what you want but I sorta kinda not really know where I am going with this story and I don't want to just jump into the moms finding out about it just yet.

Lena had sat behind her desk and set back to work as they waited for Stef to come pick Callie up to take her home. The only noise in the room was they noise the heys of Lenas laptop made as she typed away on her computer. Callie could tell the woman was trying to be quiet for her sake which Callie truely appriciated. She honestly didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment, it was at that moment she was glad she had came up with the lie about having a migrane. It was sort of tough to fake the symptoms of one so she pulled her feet up onto the chair and rested her forhead on her knees.

It had taken Stef just over a half hour to get to the school to pick Callie up. The look of concern on the older woman's face caused Callie to feel guilty. She was dressed in her police uniform which meant she was taking time off work all because Callie hadn't been able to wait until she got home to cut, and had been reckless with it.

Stef walked over and kneeled in front of the young girls chair. She went to place her hand on the girls arm but hesitated and pulled her hand away setting it on the arm of the chair. No matter how much she wanted to reach out and comfort the girl she didn't want to push the girl. If she did that it would just cause them to go ten steps backwards and they hadn't made too much ground with her. So she contained her self from doing what she would normally do with any of her other kids.

"Hey sweets how are you feeling?" The look of pure concern on the woman's face caused a lump to form in Callie's was one person she really couldn't lie face to face. She respected the woman way too much to do that. And Stef could read her like a book and would be able to tell she was lying the moment she tried. She did not trust her self to talk so she just shrugged.

"Not great huh?" Stef looked back over her shoulder towards Lena and held a silent conversation which Callie could not decifer.

"Alright love lets get you home before your migrane comes back." Stef said finally breaking eye contact with her partner. Callie stood and looked over to Lena who was giving her a small smile.

"Feel better love I will check on you when I get home. And I will make sure the others are quiet incase your head ache comes back." Callie offered a small smile in thanks her guilt was bubbling up again though. They were so concerned that she almost wished a migrane would come on so she wasn't lying to these two women. Even though she hated having migranes she thought it would be better than lying to them.

"Thanks Lena." Callie broke one of her rules and stepped forward wrapping her arms around the older woman pulling her into a hug. It took a few seconds for Lena to get over the shock of the young girl actually hugging her but she quickly got over it and wrapped her arms around the young girls frame returning the hug. It only lasted a few seconds before Callie stepped away and lowed her arms back to her side.

Her and Stef walked out of the school side by side Stef holding open the doors to the school for Callie to step out of. The sun had raised higher in the sky and hit Callie directly in the eyes causing her to turn her head away from the blinding light. Stef saw this and placed her hand on the girls back leading her to the police cruiser where Mike had been waiting keeping the car running for Stef who promised it wouldn't take long.

The drive home was quiet Callie sat with her head against the window the cool glass clearing her head. She was glad Stef or Mike hand't tried talking to her she really didn't want to talk to had zoned out and was suprised when the car came to a halt in front of the Adams Foster house hold. Callie grabbed her back pack and unbucked. She was suprised when Stef got out of the cruiser as well. She had murmered some thing to Mike which Callie hadn't quite heard. The pair walked up to the door once Callie following behind Stef still trying to hide the stained sleeve of her shirt. She waited as Stef unlocked the door and the pair walked inside.

"Well love I can't stay with you but if you need anything or you start to feel worse you have mine and Lena's numbers. Call us if it gets worse and I mean it. There is some migrane medication in the medicine cabinet in our bathroom just take one now and if it doesn't go away or it starts to worsen in two hours take another one." She waited for Callie to answer before continueing. The younger girl nodded and she took that as a good enough answer. "you'll be okay on your own right love?" Callie went to nod again but thought better of it not wanting to make Stef think she wasn't okay and chose to stay home with her.

"Yeah I will be fine I am probably just going to go take a nap once I take the medication." Callie replied trying to get Stef to stop worrying even though she knew it would be pointless to even try. She couldn't unerstand bwhy but in the short time she had been at this house, the two women who owned it had come to care for her and Jude in a way only a parent could. This scared Callie though she knew this was only temporary and once a good home became avalable to take both her and Jude they would be leaving this house for good. She tried keeping these people at arms distance so they wouldn't be able to tear down her walls and she wouldn' become attached to them and they wouldn't become attached to her. She knew if things kept going the way they were it would be extremely difficult for her to leve this family with out any pain.

The hardest part about that was she had no idea how long it would be until they were sent to a new home. If they were taken out of this house now she already knew it would be painful to leave them. And every day hell every minute they were in this home it was getting harder and harder not to become even more attached. This family made her break all of her rules that she had discoved not to do when placed in a home. They made her come to care about them. They made her not mind geting comfort from them. Jude loved them and she knew the moment they were taken from this house his heart would break. Expecially being taken from Lena, the older woman and young boy had formed a bond. It was almost as he was her biological son.

That fact hurt Callie more than she cared to admit because she had been the one to take care of him since he was six and now that they met Lena he came to see the woman as a mom more and more every day. She was jelouse. The more he depended on them meant the less he depended on her. And her only reason to keep living was because she knew Jude needed her. He was too sweet and nieve to go through the system alone. But now that he had them what was her purpose?

"Alright love well i have to get back to work. Take care of your self alright? And remember what I said call us if you need anything. I will try to stop by again in a few hours if I cant though Lena will be home in a few hours."

"I'll be fine Stef like I said I am just going to probably go back to sleep you don't have to stop back by. You don't have to worry about me." Stef's response was just giving her a look tha meant, Really? Like she wasn't going to worry about one of her children.

"Alright go get some sleep I will see you tonight." Stef reached over and rubbed Callie's back a few times before heading out the door and locking it behind her. Callie watched from the window as the police cruiser pulled away. Making sure Stef wasn't coming back in Callie looked down at her sleeve and sighed. There was no way she was going to be able to get this stain out. Looks like she was down another shirt. Maybe she could dip into some of her saving and go to a thrift store to pick up a few more long sleeved shirts just incase this ever happened again. She really didn't want to do that, that money was supposed to be for emergencies. She had started it when they had been placed in a home and the parents would take food away from them as a punishment. Callie had picked up a few babysitting gigs and started buying non-parishable food that they could hide in their room and not need to use anything in the kitchen. But now that they were here she didn't really need to worry about that again. This family usually just took electronics away she couldn't imagine them taking food away. These were good people way to good Callie didn't deserve them.

Sighing she made up her mind she would take a bus one day to the closest thrift store and pick up some more shirts she really couldn't make it through the few she had. They were so old that they were begining to get holes in them. Taking off her shirt Callie went to the bathroom and chanced the bandages and then wrapped them up in her shirt and headed to the back yard to the trash cans. She took out a few of the bags that were already in them and threw the shirt in it, and placed the bags on top of the items making sure you couldn't see them. Satisfied with her work she headed back up stairs and laid down on her bed. She wasn't sure what to do with her self, she had never taken the day off of school before. What was she expected to do?

She laid there for a while before her eyes started to get heavy. She knew she shouldn't take fall asleep or she wouldn't get any sleep tonight, but the tiredness had crept up on her. Everything that had happened that morning had worn her out more than she expected. Her eye lids finally won the war against her fighting and she drifted off into a restless sleep.

When she woke up she was being shook by Lena. She was suprised to see the older woman Iooking down at her.

"Hey slug-a-bug how are you feeling?" It took Callie a few moments to comprehend what the woman was asking her. She couldn't understand why she was asking if how she was feeling. But then the events of the day came crashing back into her mind.

"I'm fine. The nap was just what I needed." Honestly it wasn't she felt worse than before she fell asleep. Her mind was all hazey and her body felt stiff and her wrist was actually hurting. something that never really happened, but she wouldn't tell the older woman that.

"I am glad to hear that love. But next time you start feeling like that even if you think it is just a little head ache. We could have given you some medicine and we might have been able to prevent this. We just don't like you being in pain." Lena smiled softly at her.

"I know I'm sorry next time it happens I wil tell you I promise." She wouldn't but she knew that was what the woman needed to hear.

"Alright well I just came to check up on you. Try not to fall asleep again if you sleep too long you will not sleep tonight." She stood up and headed out of the room. Callie waited for a few moments to see if someone else was entering the room. When she heard them all talking down stairs she pushed up the sleeve of her shirt to check on the cuts. When she unwrapped the bandages on her left arm she was shocked to see that the cuts were an angry red. They were starting to become infected. Cursing to her self she stood up to head to the bathroom. With cutting her other arm this morning she had forgotten to clean the cuts on this arm. Before she could take another step she heard a sharp gasp come from the door. Looking up she saw Mariana standing in the doorway her eyes locked on Callie's left arm.

AN: WEll this is where I leave you. I know I suck for leaving you with a cliff hanger. Anyways I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I had to throw in a little Stef Callie time cause I love there relationship.


	5. Chapter 5

Callie's heart stopped the moment she saw the younger girl standing in the door way. It looked as though she was frozen in her spot so Callie took advantage of this, she rushed across the room grabbing Mariana by her arm and pulling her in the room shutting the door behind them. She had to find a way out of this. And quickly.

"Mariana this isn't what it looks like." Callie started off but was soon cut off by the younger girl who gave her a look to say really you expect me to believe that?

"Really then what is is it Callie? Because that looks an awful lot like you cut your self." The words came out in a rush of air almost like the girl didn't beleive what she was seeing. CAllie looked at the girls face trying to read what she was going to do. Her face that had gone a few shades lighter when she had seen Callie's arm was now finally gaining its color back.

"Okay maybe it is but you can't tell Stef and Lena." Callie's words were calm but both girls knew she was desperate. Callie couldn't believe she had been so reckless to get caught what if it had been Lena standing in that doorway. Or what if it had been Jude? Shuddering at that thought she stopped and looked at the younger girl who began talking again.

"I have to tell them Callie you are cutting your self. I'm not ging to stand around and watch you kill you self. Beleive it or not but I do care about you and if you did kill your self I that would be on my hands because I did nothing. And I refuse to let that happen." She went to walk away to go find her mothers but Callie's hand was quickly around her wrist again pulling her back to where she had reviously been.

"Will you at least let me explain. Yes I did make those cuts but it was one time." Mariana looked back down at her arm the sleve was still rolled up so she could see the many scars that lined the other girls arm.

"Really just one time you have scars all up and down your arm Callie that is not one time." Well there went that plan Callie thought. She had thought the others scars were light enough to from where the girl was standing she couldn't see them. Apparently she was wrong.

"Those scars were from a long time ago I stopped and I just had a little relapse that was it. I don' want to get into that habit again." Callie was lying plain and simple but she couldn't have Mariana running and telling the moms about this because they would check the rest of her body and she knew that they would find plenty of other fresh wounds. She just hoped Mariana didn't asked to see any other parts of her body.

"All the more reason why I or even you should tell them. They can help you Callie. They will help you." Callie was starting to get frustrated and even more desperate. This wasn't how this was supposed to happen. She couldn't give this up yet. She couldn't have the only think keeping her sane taken away from her.

"Please Mariana I wont do it again." She paused and headed over to her back pack reaching in and grabbing the blade in her bag. She could always replace it but Mariana didn't need to know that. And she had no way of knowing there were at least three blades hiden just in this room and another two hidden in the bathroom. "Here it is the only one I have and if you want to check the rest of my stuff go ahead but I'm giving you this. Just please don't tell Stef and Lena they have enough going on and they don't need to be worrying just because I had a small slip up."

She watched the younger girl as she stod still looking at the blade that Callie had just placed in her hand. She knew she should go tell her moms but she also knew Callie was still afraid of being sent back in the system and she didn't want her to fall back into this habit by worrying about that. She finally made her mind up and looked at the older girl who was staring at her. There was a desperation in her eyes pleading with Mariana. The young girl had never seen Callie act this way. There was something in the back of her mind telling her to worry more, but she just chalked that up to 'you just found out your foster sister hurt her self of course you are worried.' Sighing she looked back down at the blade it felt heavy in her hand. She didn't like the feel of the metal against her skin.

"This is your only blade?" She watched as Callie nodded quickly. "And you aren't going to do it again?"

"No I promise it was just a moment of weakness." At this point Callie was saying anything to make the girl believe her.

"What if you have another moment though Callie what then?"

"Then.. I will find someone to talk to. Or find something to take my mind off of it."

"Come talk to me or moms. You have people here you can talk to Callie." She paused for a second and then looked at the door. "Does Jude know?"

"No and he cant find out Mariana please. You can not tell him. That would break his heart and I couldn't live with my self if he ever found out." There was a long stretch of silence before Mariana finally broke the silence."Fine I won't tell but you have to promise me something. If you get to that breaking point again talk to moms they will know what to do better than I will."

"I promise. Thank you Mariana I really mean it thank you." Of course she would be breaking that promise but as long as she could keep Mariana to keep this secret until they were taken out of the house she would be in the clear.

There was a knock on the door and both girls heads shot to look at it. Callie quickly moved to pul the sleeve of her shirt door opened slightly and Stef's head popped when she saw Callie was awake she opened it fully and let her self in.

"Hey sweets how are you feeling." It took Callie a moment to realize thatthe older woman had been talking to her.

"Better." She desided to keep her answers short. Her heart was still racing from Mariana finding out about her cuts. At least she hadn't asked to see Callie's other arm. The nit would have been clear it wasn't just a one time occurance.

"That's good I'm glad. Hey Miss thang are you alright you are looking a little pale." Stef said as she looked at her daughter.

"Yeah no I'm fine I thought I saw a spider and you know how I hate those." Callie had to give Mariana credit she came up with lies on the spot pretty easily. Stef laughed slightly it was comical to her how scared Mariana was of bugs in general. She looked over at Callie and her eyes narrowed slightly.

"Hey weren't you wearing a different shirt ealier?" She still had the rest of her cloths on from school but Stef could have sworn Callie had been wearing a different shirt.

"Oh uh yeah I spilled some juice on it when I was taking the medicine and I just threw it out. It was pretty old anyway." Callie said with a shrugg.

"Well Lena and I were talking and we have some money saved up for you and Jude to get some new cloths. We can take you this weekend if you want."

"No you guys dont have to buy us anything. We couldnt ask that of you. Im sure you guys have better stuf to spend your money on. " Stef struggled not to sigh why oculdn't this girl just let them help her?

"Callie really its fine . You have what two shirts now and what two pairs of jeans. And besides that you don't need to worry about our finances. And some of that money we have is to help you and Jude get what ever you need."

"Stef really it's fine I have some money saved up I can pay for it."

"No you are not spending your money on this. When we got Mariana and Jesus we bought them new things. Brandon gets new cloths now you and Jude get your turn with that tradition. And I will not take no for an answer." With that Stef left the room calling over her shoulder at the two girls in the room that dinner would be in a half hour.

Callie jsut stood there for a few seconds wondering what had just happened. It was then that she remember that she still needed to clean out the cuts on her arm when she felt the formiilliar itchy pain that spread across her wrist. She went to head towards the bathroom when Mariana's voice stopped her.

"What are you doing?"

"I need to clean these out before they get worse." Callie knew she could have lied but saw no point in it MAriana would not have believed her anyway. She headed into the bathroom and went to shut the door but Mariana was right there.

"What are you doing?" This time it was Callie who asked that. She knew what she was doing. She just wished she wouldn't.

"Seriously Callie i just found out that you _cut_ " She whispered that last word and Callie had to force her self not to roll her eyes. "And now you expect me to let you take care of this by your self?"

"Yes. Because i know how to do it." Callie turned toards the sink and kneeled down to grab the peroxide. Standing up she went to work cleaning it trying to ingnore the other girl in the bathroom who was watching her every move.

"How long?" Callie jumped slightly cause it had been relitively quiet and then the younger girls voice broke through all of that.

"Hmm?"

"How long did you cut before you stopped?"

"Oh about a year and a half." Callie just shrugged pulling a random amount of time out of thin air. Not like Mariana would know any differently.

"Well I'm glad you stopped. I know I dont show it often but I'm glad you are here." Callie paused at those words her every movement stopped. She didn't know what to say to this.

 _ **AN: Don't worry guys the moms will find out soon about Callie I promise.**_


	6. Chapter 6

Dinner came and went quickly neither Callie or Mariana had said much both in their own minds. Both were thinking about what had just happened in their bedroom. Mariana was regretting agreeing to not tell her mothers about what was on Callie's arms. She had a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that would not go away. It kept telling her she was wrong about agreeing to what Callie asked her to do. She knew her moms would be upset about not telling them. She knew they would want her to tell them. But she also knew how scared Callie was. She had been in that boat. Well maybe not that exact same boat but she knew what it was like to be scared about coming to a new home and trying not to mess up. Her and Jesus had both worried that every mistake they made would get them sent back. Callie didn't show it like they used to but she had also been in the system a lot longer than they had been. She had lived through a whole hell of a lot more than they had too. So she could kind of understand why Callie had chosen to turn to cutting. Not that she agreed with it but she could get where the apeal came from.

Even though she understood why Callie did it she still hated that she had asked her to lie for her. Cause even though she hadn't specifically told her to lie telling her not to tell them would still be counted as one. Maybe even worse because it was something more dangerous than just lying. She knew her mos would be dissapointed in her. Callie was slowly becoming a part of this family and you are supposed to protect your family. It was the most important thing in life. That was when she decided that she was going to tell her moms about it. Of course not over dinner cause Callie had asked her not to tell Jude and she agreed with that. The young boy wouldn't take it well at all. And if she said something over dinner she was sure Callie would hate her. This wasn't the time or place. Maybe before the moms went to bed she could talk to them about it when there was no one around to hear their conversation. Yeah that is what she would do. There was a few hours between then and now so she had some time to figure out a way to talk to them. With that in mind she started to form a plan.

Stef and Lena had both noticed that the two younger girls at the table were extremely quiet tonight. They didn't know what had happened but the two had kept glancing up at eachother. It didn't look hostile like they had bee in a fight but they knew there was something going on between the two of them. They were ones who encouraged their kids to work out there problems between them selves but they hoped if it was something too bad that Mariana would come to them. They knew Callie would never do that. No matter how much they tried to get her to see that they were there for her she always kept them at arms distance sometimes even further. Stef wondered if any of the other kids knew about what was happening between the two.

When dinner ended they sent the kids off to do their home work for the night. Lena had picked up Callies homework for the day from her teachers. They would see how she was feeling in the morning because sometimes her migranes lasted two three days at a time.

The two moms set to work cleaning the kitchen. Both moving around each other in a formilliar dance.

"So what do you think is going on between those two?" Stef asked not even bothering to name the two she was talking about. Stef knew Lena understood who she was talking about.

"I don't know they seemed fine this morning. How were they when you went to tell them about dinner?" Lena asked as she set to work washing the dishes in the sink.

"Now that I think about it they wee acting pretty strange. Mariana was pale and they were standing in the middle of the room. When I got to their door i hurd talking but I couldn't make out what they were saying. At least they weren't yelling."

"Yeah I suppose that is a good thing. Do you think they are keeping omething from us?" Stef paused from cleaning off the counters to look at her wife.

"With our kids of course htey are I swear every week we find out someones been keeping something from us."

"I just hope it isn't something like the drugs again I dont know if I could handle that again." LEna said as she turned back around to finish up the dishes when she looked up she caught sight of the tash cans being knocked over in the back yard.

"Stef the racoons got in the trash again." She heard Stef sigh from behind her. Lena was glad she would always do the dishes when her and Stef cleaned the kitchen it was becoming a reocuring accurance that who ever took out the trash had to pick up the rest of the trash bags because some animal knocked over the garbage cans.

Stef tied up the bag in the kitchen and walked out side muttering about stupid animals knocking over stupid trash cans. She knew it was childish but it seemed like every other night this happened.

She flipped the garbage can up and place the bag in her hand inside it and then leaned down picking up all the unopened bags. She was almost done when something caught her eye a peice of fabric. She remembered Callie telling her about throwing out her shirt but why would she walk out side to throw it away when there was at least five trash cans in the house that she could have used?

Stef picked up the garmet and held it up. She didn't see and stains on the front it which confused her why would Callie lie about throwing away a shirt if she wanted to throw it away she could with out making up a story. Stef went to put it in the garbage can again when a dark stain on the sleve caught her eye. She held it up and her heart dropped. Being a police officer and mother she knew what dried blood looked like. There was only one reason that popped into her mind about why it would he on the wrist of the sleeve. She prayed that she was wrong though. Callie couldn't do that to her self could she?

Holding th shirt in her hand she looked around and desided the rest of the garbage could wait this was way more important. Heading inside she shut the door and leaned against it looking at Lena who had just finished the rest of the dishes. Lena looked over at her and concern filled her face when she saw the look on Stef's face.

"What happened?" Stef shook her head and held up the shirt.

"Is that Callie's?" Lena asked wondering why Stef had found it out side.

"I think I know why our two girls have been acting weird tonight. But what I don't understand is why Mariana wouldn't tell us." Stef said her voice filled with sadness.

"What do you mean Stef? What's going on?" Lena asked and all she got in return was Stef walking over to her and handing her they shirt. Lena looked at it and didn't catch what was wrong with what she was looking at. She looked up at Stef confusion filling her eyes.

"Look at the right sleeve." Was all Stef said as she stood next to her partner. She watched as Lena untangled the shirt and looked at the blood stain. She watched at the woman paled and continued to stare at the stain on the shirt.

"Stef.." She began she was going to try and come up with some other excuse that what was running through both of their minds but she couldn't. They both knew what this was from. As much as they did not want to beleive it they knew what had happened. Lena dropped the shirt on the table she couldn't stomach looking at it any longer.

"We need to talk to Callie noe." Stef said and Lena nodded in return. The rest of the cleaning could wait. They headed up stairs to the two girls bedroom. They found both of them sitting on their beds. Mariana was typing on her computer and Callie was reading neither had noticed the two women enter the room until Stef's voice cut through the room like a knife.

"Mariana could you go down stairs for a little we need to talk to Callie." Both girls looked at each other and then at the two women in the room. Mariana gathered up her supplies and left the room with out a word. She could tell by her mom's voice this was serious. When she left the three in the room were staring at each other.

"Callie mom and I have a few questions for you and we need you to be honest with us." Callie just nodded and sat up with her legs hanging off the sideof the bed. Lena had come and sat besided her and Stef stayed standing. Callie had yet to notice the shirt in Stef's hand until Stef lifted it up. Her eyes widened in fear as she looked between the two women.

"Why is there blood on you shirt Callie?" Stef asked her voice was tense but only because she was worried. She did not know how to handle all the emotions she was feeling right now. She couldn't understand why Callie would do something like that. Why she would hide it from them.

"I..Uh.." Calie was trying to come up with some reason but she knew she was caught there was nothing she was going to be able to do to get them to forget about this.

"You need to show us your arms love." Lena finally spoke from next to her. Her voice held a sadness to it that Callie had never heard from the woman she was always so happy. She never ever wanted to make this woman sad. And knowing she had made Callie feel extremely guilty. She was refusing to look at Stef becuase in her mind she knew she would see dissapointment in the older womans eyes and she never wanted to see that from the woman. She didn't understand why but she respected Stef they had formed some what of a bond and Callie knew she just knew she had lost that trust.

"Callie you need to pull up you sleeves for us." Stef said her voice had now taken on a tone as though she was talking to a small child she could see the look on Callie's face. Though the young girl refused to look at them she could still see it. She was scared really scared. Stef was afraid if they were to forcefull with her she didn't know what would happen.

The room was starting to close in on Callie her heart beat was rising and she could see Stef reaching for her sleeve. They couldn't see those cuts. They couldn't see what she had done to her self. They would hate her and send her back. She couldn't see the look on their faces when they finally saw how broken she was. There was no way they would ever want her after this.

So Callie did the only thing she knew to do in times like this. She ran. She ran straight passed the two woman who had not been expecting her to bolt. She ran down the stairs and out the front door passed Mariana's shocked face slamming the door behind her. She ran as hard and as fast as she could down the street. She didn't know where she was going but her mind was telling her not to stop. Even thoug she didn't have shoes on and she was sure she was cutting up the bottom of her feet she didn't stop.

Stef and Lena were shocked as they stared at the spot that the girl had just sat. Stef recovered first heading down the stairs and looking around the house. She spotted Mariana standing in the living room her eyes wide.

"Where did she go?" Mariana just pointed out the front door she hadn't seen what way Callie went. Lena was right behind Stef.

"Mariana mom and I are going to go look for Callie stay here if she shows back up call us." With that they grabbed their keys and cell phones and both piled in Stefs car.

"Stef we have to fine her." Both of them were afraid what Callie would do in this state of mind. They didn't know what she was thinking at this moment. What she was feeling. They didn't know what she was planning to do. And that scared them both more than death its self.

"I know." Was all Stef saif as she backed out of the drive way and headed down the street. She had no idea where Callie had run too but all she knew was she needed to find her daughter.

AN: Two chapters in just a few hours of eachother. You should feel special haha. No I'm kidding but i hope you guys enjoyed this one. I told you them finding out would come soon. REveiws are appriciated. If there is anything you guys want to see in either of my stories i would love to know your oppinions.


	7. Chapter 7

Stef and Lena had been driving twnety five minutes now and there had been no sign of Callie. The moment she had ran out of the house it was like she had vaninshed into thin air. The longer they looked the more both women were becoming worried. It had been raining on and off all night and the temperature had dropped considerably.. The longer they looked though Stef was growing more and more frustrated.

"Damn it where would she go?" This was the part that frustrated her the most. Callie had been in their home for a month now and neither of them knew if she had and friends or where the girl liked to hang out. She could be any where and they had no idea where to look. The girl could be in danger and they wouldn't be able to get to her because they had no idea where to even start, because they didn't know the girl.

"Try tracking her cell again." Stef said not taking her eyes off the road she was barley blinking afraid she might miss Callie in the shadows. Her eyes were starting to hurt from the strain of staring into the darkness for so long but she refused to stop.

"Stef her phone is off. There is no way I can track her." Lena knew this wouldn't make a single difference to Stef she knew it was off but she refused to accept that answer. The tracker app would let them know when they were able to track the young girl again.

"Just try it again." Stef snapped but didn't appologize. She didn't need to though Lena knew her partner and could understand what was going through her mind. One of the main things she loved about her wife was that she care so deeply. And in the short amount of time that the two Jacobs siblings had been with them both her and Stef had grown to love the two as their own children. Lena looked down at her phone and pushed the button to track the young girls cell phone. But the message she had been seeing for the last half hour taunted her. It told her she could not trace this number which meant once again they had no idea where Callie was.

"Still off." Was her reply they had come to a stop sign and Stef slammed her hand against the stearing weel.

"I am going to kill her when we find her. I am going to hug her and make sure she is safe but I am going to kill her." Lena knew the other woman in the car was lying but she knew the feeling she had thought the same thing a few times through this entire journey. She couldn't believe the girl had ran. Well she could because that was Callie's go to when she got scared but she did not was to believe it.

"Well at least one thing we know she has her phone on her. And she doesnt have her money on her so she can't get far." Lena was trying to make both of them feel better but it hadn't really helped either of them. Once again Lena picked up her phone and dialed Callie's number. It didn't even ring once just went straight to voice mail. She sighed heavily before once again leaving a message for the tenth time that night.

"Callie you need to call me back as soon as you get this message. Stef and I just want to make sure you are okay. We need to know that Callie. I know you are scared but you need to turn on your phone and tell us where you are. Please just call one of us back. Or call one of your siblings. Just let us know you are okay Callie. I Love you. " She hung up before looking at the road again her eyes desperatly searching the shadows of the street. They had called Mike to recrute him in the search party. They weren't going to call Callie's probation officer just yet. Callie hadn't taken any of her belongings and they both knew she had been scared and did what she knew best. They just hoped they could find her soon.

The ride was quiet for a long time both looking out the windows wishing for the girl to apear. Lena wasn't even sure if her heart was beating at the moment. Knowing one of her children were missing, she was sure it had stopped and it was growing worse at every passing minute. She knew she wouldn't feel right again until she had the young girl who had stole her heart back home. She knew Stef felt the same way. Another ten agonizing minutes had passed of finding nothing when Lena's phone pinged. Her hand shot to it and she unlocked it as quick as possible. Callie's phone was able to be traced. It took a few seconds before it got her exact location and Lenas heart jumped in her chest. It wouldn't fully be able to properly function until she saw Callie with her own eyes.

"We've found her Stef." She told the woman driving the location and Stef flipped the car around and started driving towards her daughters location.

Callie sat on the cold damp ground she was past the point of being able to really feel the cold. She was still shivering the thin layer of her shirt not really bringing much protection or warmth from the chill in the air. Her pants were soaked through to her skin but she really couldn't bring her self to care. She was leaning against a tree her eyes focused on a single point in front of her. She had just turned on her phone and she felt it vibrate many times. She didn't bother even looking at it. She knew the two older woman would be tracking her at this point.

With every vibration she felt more and more guilty but she still couldn't bring her self to pick up the phone and call either of the women she knew was looking for her. When she left she had convinced her self they wouldn't come looking but after the first few times they called she had shut off her phone. She hadn't wanted them to find her at that point. She felt her phone start vibrating and looked down seeing Lena's name flash acrossed the screen. She ignored it though. They were already going to be mad why not just throw more onto it. t's not like another missed call is going to make anything worse. Besides her hands were numb and she didn't think she would even be able to properly operate a phone. It was a cool night and had been raining causing the tempiture to drop. She had now been out in it for an hour now but she couldn't bring her self to care about any of that.

She knew Stef and Lena would be mad at her for running. She knew they would be mad at her for turning her phone of. She knew they would be mad at her for the cutting. She looked up at the tomb stone in front of her and she just coudn't bring her self to care about any of that. Now that she was sitting here in front of her mothers grave she really couldn't bring her self to care about anything.

She had not been planning on coming here when she ran out the door that night, but her legs had carried her the few miles from the front door to this grave yard. She had not visited here in years. Sure she would take Jude here when he asked. Well as often as she could. But she had not been able to get her self up to this grave. She knew if she ever visited she would break down and She needed to be strong for Jude. He used to ask her why she would never come with him to the grave but stopped asking when it was clear she was not going to give him and answer. The problem with her never visiting was she had never given her self time to greive. She had been thrust into the role of Jude's care taker when she was nine. She couldn't take that time to process any of this because from day one she knew he was all he had left and if she was breaking down over loosing their mom she couldn't properly take care of him. Maybe that was why she was so broken.

Tears were freely falling down her cheeks and landing on her pant legs mixing with the cold water of the rain. In the distance she heard the slamming of car doors and feet running in her direction. She didn't have to look to see who it was. She knew Stef and Lena were there.

"I am so sorry Mom. I know I didn't turn out the way you wanted me to. I am not the daughter you deserved. I am a mess and i know you would be so dissapointed in me. And I'm not taking care of Jude the way you want me to. I should have been the one to die in that car accident not you. Jude needs you more than he needs me." Her voice was barley above a whisper and it cracked a few times through her appology. "I just don't know what to do anymore." She sobbed this part out. She couldn't contain it anymore. She felt arms wrap around her body. She hadn't hear the two women approach her. She couldn't tell you whose arms were around her but she was greatful they were. It felt as though the firm grip of the hug was holding together her broken peices.

The moment Stef pulled into the front of the cemitary both womens seat belts were off and they were out of the car in record time. Lena wasn't even sure if Stef had put the car in park and taken out the keys by the time her door was open and she was stepping out.

"CALLIE!" She heard her partner yell but they didn't get a responce. She looked down at her phone where the little dot signalling Callie's phone was hadn't moved so she took off running that way. Stef right behind her. They had been running for a few moments when they saw a figure sitting against a tree.

They had heard what Callie said to her mom's grave and both of them looked at each other. Each of their heart breaking as they hear the girls words. How could she think that about her self? They didn't dwell on that too long the releif finally setting in about seeing their daughter in front of them.

Lena had reached her first and pulled the girl into a hug. She didn't care that her pants were soaked from the wet ground. She was just releived that they had finally found her. The young girl was soaked from head to toe. That worried Lena she could feel the girl shivering. She just wanted to get her into the warm car. The girl had leaned into her and burried her face into the older owmans chest sobbing into it. Lena held her close and let her cry into her.

Stef was standing a few feet away on her phone. She was sure the woman had called Mike to let him know they found her. She could hear her telling him to go to the house to let the other kids know she was okay and to keep an eye on them. She knew they would all be worried expecially Jude. When she hung up Stef took one look at the girl who looked to be so much younger at the moment. She was shrunken into her self. Stef quickly shook off her jacket and wrapped it around the young girls shoulders. She sat next to Callie and wrapped her arm around the other two.

"Don't you ever do that again. We were so worried about you Callie." Stefs voice didn't hold any anger to them. The words just held the relief of a mother finding her child. They held her like that for a few minutes before finally releasing her. Neither of them had cared about the young girls dislike of physical contact at that moment.

It was at that moment that Lena finally looked around and saw where they were. She hadn't given it too much thought to why Callie had come to a cemetary. She had heard Callie's words moments before but as she saw hose grave they were sitting at it all finally made sense to her. She read the name on the tomb stone and her heart sank.

 _Colleen Jacobs Loving mother and wife._ Those words stared her in the face. Her and Stef's eyes met over the girls head and they both now fianlly understood.

"Hey love how about we get you home and into some warm cloths?" Callie still had yet to look at them but she finally spoke.

"Can we... Can we stay for just a few minute more please. I just.." She trailed off but both women knew what she meant. She needed this. They had never once heard her talk about this woman. Jude had came and visited a few times but never Callie. They didn't know when the last time Callie had come here but from what Jude had told them it had been quite a while.

"Sure love just a few minutes though we don't want you getting sick."

The trio sat there in silence the only sound was the rain dropped hitting the ground. All in all it was peaceful.

"I haven't been here in a long time. She would be so mad." Callie's voice cracked from the lump in her throat caused from crying.

"No love she would be glad you are here." Lena said taking her hand and rubbing the young girls back.

"But I didn't even tell her I loved her that night. She probably hates me. I didn't even hug her good bye."

"Love your mom would have forgiven you that night. She still loved you and I am sure where ever she is right now she is proud of you."

Callie couldn't beleive they had stayed with her. She knew after tonight it would be a while before they let her out of their sights but she was thankful that they did. Their presence was calming and warming her. This was the first time she had really ever seen them as mothers. That was the moment she made her desition and before she could chicken out she reached down playing with the hem of her sleeve before rolling them up.

She had felt their eyes on her, she knew they had been watching her every movement. hen she rolled up her sleeves she heard them take in sharp breaths. They were seeing every scar, every wound. Something Callie had always thought was her arms looked like she invisioned her soul to look. The scars she held on them were the exact way she pictured her soul to look. She had been hurt far to many times for it not to be scarred.

Stef slowly took the girls arm and held it up her thumb brusshing over the raised lines on the girls arm. She had wished and hoped she was wrong about what had been happening with the girl. From the look of it this had been going on for a long time. Stef had seen the open wounds when she caught sight of the girls arm but had chosen not to look at them they would need to take care of them later but right now the young girl needed them.

They sat like that no one speaking for the longest time before Stef stood and held her hand out to Callie. They really needed to get her home and in new cloths.

"Come on love lets go home." Callie took her hand let the older woman lift her on to her feet. The trio walked the path back to the car no one speaking. None of them knew exactly knew what to say. When they reached the car Callie sat in the back seat and was shocked when Lena went to the other side and sat next to her. They werent afraid she was going to run again but they figured after the emotional roller coaster she had tonight she would need someone to lean on. Even if she didn't take that they made sure she knew the option was avalable.

Stef started the car and turning the heat on full blast. Now that Callie felt the heat from the vents she could feel how cold she had really been. She had tried to give the jacket that had been placed around her shoulders back to stef who had just shook her head and talk her to keep it.

They started the drive home all the occupants in the car knowing tonight would be a long night.

 _ **AN:I have been in a writing mood today. I hope you guys like this chapter. I enjoyed writing it I hope you guys enjoy reading it.**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**AN: To the person who wrote the review asking why everyone always writes Callie as a self harmer or as a weak charicter. I gt where you are coming from I really do. I don't see Callie as weak at all she is my favorite character on the show. I can't speak for everyone else who writes their stories like that, but for me personally I am writing this story because i was a cutter for three years. And recently I have been going through a rough patch and those thoughts started poping into my mind more fequently. I know they are always going to be there. But i wrote this story as a way to agknowlage those thoughts and feelings and get them out in a more healthy way. So I appologize if you don't like the story but I will continue it to help me. And for how Stef and Lena hover over Callie.. when my parents found out about me cutting they did not handle it well at all. I am writing them how I wish my parents would have reacted.**_

The car ride was extremely quiet no one knew what to knew this was serious and they knew a discussion needed to happen but they all figured in a moving car was not the best place for it. The two women had no idea how to handle this. None of their children had ever used cutting as a form of therapy. Their kids came to them before it got to that point. But they also had no idea how long Callie had been doing this. From the scars on the young girls arms it was obvious it had been going on for sometime. How had they not seen what had been happening under their roof. The signs had been right under their noses and they brushed it off. They felt guilty they had not noticed sooner.

When they pulled up to the house they could see the lights were on, so they knew the rest of the kids were still awake. That was another thing on their long list of discussions they had no idea how to handle. When they pulled up to the house the trio all slowly got out of the car. Callie felt like she was moving through water. She couldn't believe she had shown the woman her arms, that was a secret she had worked so hard to hide. She hadn't even confided in Jude about them and he was the one person she trusted. She knew he would be upset with her the moment he found out about the cutting. She wasn't sure if he would understand why she would do it. He would probably end up hating her at the end of the night.

The three entered the house and were bombarded by the other occupant's in the house. None of them said anything but she were crowded around the front of the door making it impossible to get passed the doorway. Callie was wondering what they knew. All of their faces showed the concern that they were feeling. That made them hard to read none of their eyes were judgmental but Callie had no way of knowing what the two women standing behind her had told them before they went looking for her when she ran.

Jude stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Callie's middle pulling her into a tight hug. She wrapped her arms around the top of his shoulders her right hand holding that back of his head. She could feel his tears falling down and soaking through her shirt. This broke Callie's heart she had never wanted to make Jude cry.

"I thought you left or good." The heartbreak in his voice made Callie close her eyes trying to hold back the sobs that were creeping up on her.

"I wouldn't do that too you buddy." She held him close to her for a few minutes not wanting to let him go the fear of losing him after this night was fresh in her mind and if this was the last time she would ever get to hug him she was going to make it count. The rest of the people in the room were trying there best to let the two Jacobs siblings have their moment but they refused to leave the room. They weren't sure what was going on through Callie's mind it was clear she was hugging Jude like it was the last time she was going to see the young boy.

"Do you promise?" he asked as he looked up at her. His voice cracking on the words it was obvious he had been crying for sometime now. He had thought she had left him for good and it showed.

"I promise." She replied trying to speak around the lump that had formed in her throat.

When the two finally let go Callie reached up and brushed away the tears on the boys cheeks only to have them replaced by fresh ones.

"Hey guys it is past time for all of you to go to bed. You still have school tomorrow." Lena spoke up. It really was only a half hour past the time they were all supposed to be in bed but they were trying to get them out of the room so they could talk to Callie with out ears listening in to their conversation. Slowly ever so slowly the kids said goodnight and headed up stairs. Stef and Lena knew they all had questions and wanted the answer to those questions but they did not have those answers yet. They had no idea if they would even have them by morning but they just knew the kids would not understand just yet. When Callie went to leave Stef placed her hand on the girls shoulder.

"Callie grab a pair of pajamas and come to our room. You know we have a lot to talk about." Callie took a deep breath and nodded she knew this was coming but she had really wished they would just drop it. Obviously she knew it would not happen that way, but a girl can wish right? She headed upstairs to the room she shared with Mariana. The other girl was sitting on her bed. She looked up as the door opened the younger girl was shocked to see Callie walking into the room. She watched as Callie walked over to the closet and pulled out a pair of pajamas. She went to leave the room and that was the moment Mariana knew she wouldn't be sleeping in this room tonight.

"Hey Callie?" The girl in question didn't turn around but paused with her hand on the doorknob so Mariana knew she was listening. "Are you okay?" The girl thought she knew the answer but she had to ask.

"No I'm not okay." Callie said as she exited the room. It was actually good for Callie to finally admit that out loud. She was not okay she was the farthest from it. She stopped by the bathroom to change into her pajama's she wanted to be as comfortable as she could for this conversation. As she walked down the hallway to the two older women's bedroom at the end of the hallway, She felt like she was walking down death row. She knew she was being dramatic but that was the feeling that came to mind. When she reached the door it was shut. She stood out there for a few moments trying to gain the courage to lift her hand and knock on the door. It was only two inches in front of her and all she had to do was lift her hand and knock, she was not getting out of this tonight that was obvious. Stef or Lena would come looking for her, maybe both. Raising her hand Callie paused right as the door swung open.

"Oh Callie I was just about to come looking for you." Stef said standing in the doorway. She smiled softly at the girl. "Come on love lets sit on the bed." She reached around the young girl wrapping her arm around her shoulder and leading her to the bed shutting the door behind them. Callie sat down next to Lena at the end of the bed Stef taking the spot right next to her. They gave the girl as much space as their bed would allow but still remained close enough for comfort if the girl needed them.

They sat in silence for a few moments. Callie was waiting for them to start the conversation, while the two women were trying to figure out what to say.

"You can ask or say what ever you want to you don't have to sugar coat anything I can handle it." Callie spoke finally breaking the deafening silence of the room. She hated the quiet it allowed her mind to wander and that never ended well for Callie. She hadn't said the words harshly she meant what she said they could say anything it wouldn't be anything she hadn't hear before.

"Did you meant what you said at the cemetery when you were talking to your mother?" Lena asked Callie was shocked at the question she hadn't thought they had been close enough to hear that. "Do you really wish you would have died instead of her?" Callie took a moment to try and gather her words. She really hadn't been expecting this question.

"Honestly? Yes." She heard the sharp intake of breath that both women pulled in at those words. She couldn't bring her self to feel bad for what she felt. "But not for the reason you are thinking I don't want to die." At those words the breath the two women were holding were finally released. "But Jude needs our mom more than he needs me. I am only sixteen I can't be a mother to both of us. When she died I was only nine and he needed her growing up. At least I had a few more years with her for show me the way. I mess up more often than not I am still a kid I had and still have no idea how to take care of either of us."

"Callie Jude is an amazing kid you both are." Stef put emphasis on the word both to try and get that through Callie's head. "You have done an amazing job with both of you. Not many people could do that. And yes you make mistakes but like you said you are just a kid. Sure you were forced to grow up way, way, way too soon. But never say Jude doesn't need you. Sure he needed his mother but he would never have made it this far in life being as unscathed as he is now with out your protection." She watched the girls face to see if any of this was getting through to her and it seemed to be having some amount of effect on her.

" Now about your wrists." She saw as the girl flinched and pulled her arms closer to her stomach trying to shield them from the two older women. "How long has that been going on?" She wasn't going to ask why because she had a pretty good idea why, she had met her fair share of kids who dealt with abuse who had turned to doing that to them selves. So it wasn't to surprising to find out Callie had also fallen into that category now that she had had time to think about it. She just wondered how she had missed it happening under her own roof. Callie just shrugged to her question she had yet to look up at them.

"We need an answer love." Lena finally spoke up the woman was having a hard time controlling her instincts to just grab the girl and wrap her in a hug, to protect her from the world around her. The girl hadn't deserved any of what had happened to her in her short life. They both were sure they didn't even know the half of it. They knew there was a long road ahead of them dealing with this. These thoughts and feelings didn't just go away by just talking about it one night. It was a very lengthy process in dealing with issues like this.

"A few years probably around three I guess." Callie finally answered with a shrug. Stef's jaw clenched at this admission. How had this girl been able to get away with this for that long with out anyone noticing? Or had someone noticed and just not cared? She knew that was probably the answer but she couldn't fathom fining out a child whether they be foster, adopted, or biological was harming them self and just letting it continue with out even a second thought. How some people were fit to take in kids was beyond her. She knew so many people who wished to foster and were amazing people but were deigned. And then there were people who didn't even want children just a monthly check who got approved. She would never understand that system.

"Your shirt today we saw the blood was that why you went home today?" Both women saw the girls eyes widen at this. "You won't be in trouble Callie I promise. None of what we talk about tonight with bring any repercussions your way. WE just need to know the truth." She finally looked up at them trying to see if they were telling the truth or just trying to bait her into telling them and then going back on their word. When she caught their yes she saw nothing but truth and sincerity in them. Of course there was sadness as well but she chose to over look that for the moment.

"Yeah." she finally spoke.

"That is why you missed your first class?" She jus nodded to this. She was still slightly embarrassed that it had got to that point. After finding out about the cutting they had figured this already but still had to ask the girl not wanting to assume anything.

"What happened to cause you to do it today?" Lena was honestly curious if there was something happening at school she could end it. Though their kids never came to her with their school problems they didn't like the fact she was the vice principal many of the kids already figured they would go to her if there was trouble but none of the kids ever did that.

"I can't talk about that." Callie said shaking her head. She didn't want the women getting involved with bullies at school. That would just cause more problems that it was worth.

"That is fine you don't have to talk about it love. We wont force you into anything you aren't comfortable with." Of course the two older women wanted to but they knew Callie and pushing her to talk would just cause her to build more walls for them to break through. She had been amazing at opening up to them that night and they didn't want her to clam up on them and push them away. This shocked Callie she had figured they would be forcing her to tell them every little detail but they were being surprisingly patient and supportive with her about this whole ordeal. They hadn't even yell at her. Most parents would freak out but they were handling this with composure.

"Am I going to school tomorrow?" Callie asked suddenly. She was wondering how they were going to deal with the aspect of school after fining all of this out. She watched as the two women looked at each other. They hadn't thought about this yet. Their minds had been so focused on finding the girl.

"I'm not sure that is a good idea love." Stef started but was cut off by Callie.

"I know what you are thinking you want to be around me at all times right now but me missing school isn't going to help me. And locking me in the house under your constant supervision isn't going to help me. If it makes you feel better before we leave for school you can check my bag for razors. I am not some china doll about to break." She could still see the hesitation on their face but she really did not want to be on lock down. "If it makes you feel better you have three kids and Lena who can walk me to my classes. I can't afford to miss tomorrow I have two tests." She was sure if she was on house arrest she would go crazy.

"We will talk about it more in the morning. I know you wont want to hear this but I would prefer if you slept in here tonight." She saw as Callie went to open her mouth but Stef quickly spoke before the girl could" No it isn't all because of the cutting but you did run off tonight." Callie wasn't to excited about this fact but agreed knowing either way she would lose the argument. "But if you want to go to school tomorrow we all need to get some sleep. Stef spoke looking at the clock and noticing it was nearing one thirty in the morning .

 _ **AN: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Sorry I didn't update sooner in the day.**_


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Hey guy's I know I haven't updated in a few days and I appologise fot that I just needed a little bit of a metal break. From the first chapter I was worried about writing about cutting, I didn't know how it was going to effect me mentally and with everything that has been happening lately I needed a little bit of mental and emotional break. Don't worry I'm not ending this story it is helping me more than harming me. But as I said in the authors note in the last chapter thoughts of starting to cut again keep popping in my mind and I couldn't bring my self to write about it for the past few days. But for tonight I am back. I appologise if I go missing for another few days after this I am trying to take things day by day. Anyways thank you too everyone who messaged me and reviewed the last chapter I truely appriciate everything you guys said and took some of your advice to heart. I am going to start therapy again soon and am going to start talking about this again. My family isn't good with this type of stuff so I have been bottling it all up again which yes I kow is horrible to do but old habits are hard to break. Anyways thank you all again soo soo much.

That night Neither Stef or Lena got much sleep it had honestly been no sleep but they had tried. They had spent the night watching after their eldest daughter. Both of them had been trying to take Callie's words to heart about hovering. Realistically they knew that wouldn't be good for the young girl, it would just cause her to pull away and back track the progress they had made. But finding out one of your children was using cutting as a way to cope with everything that had happened to them in their life was any parents worse nightmare. They were truely trying not to hover over the young girl but this was a challenge for the two mothers. They just wanted to protect the girl from the world so she would never hurt again. Callie had made a good point about them keeping her home from school not being good for her but today they couldn't see sending her. There was still so much that needed to be talked about. She would be upset but this would not be perminant. They just needed a day where no one but them was in the house and they could properly speak. They figured their would be yelling and tears. None of the other kids needed to see or hear that. Callie expecially didn't need them to be around for it. They had figured it would be best for the girl to open up if it was only them and they had a few hours. Lena had figured they would all need emotional breaks through out the day and time to calm everyone down. Both Stef aand Callie were very strong willed and passionate so they got upset very quickly.

They had thought about actually sending the girl to school so they could have time to figure out what to say and do about the entire sittuation. But neither woman felt right about that sittuation this was about Callie's well being and the girl deserved a say in this. Most of her life she had no say in what happened to her and both women beleived she deserved that chance. After all cutting was a way to gain control in someones life. Both women had seen it time and time again in their line of work. They knew the thought process of it. From what they knew of Callie's past they honestly hadn't been to suprised to find out she had turned to this. Though they hated that they had never thought of it. Callie was a very guarded person and never let her true emotions show but that was no excuse they should have known, seen the signs. Looking back they could see those signs clear as day. The long sleaved shirts in summer, the long showers but coming out with just her hair being damp, the secrecy though that one could have just been she was a teenager. Stef blamed her self more than Lena though, she was a cop and was trained to notice these kinds of things going on around her. How had she missed this?

She was probably more hurt about it than Lena as well. Her and Callie had formed a bond or so she thought the two of them had. They were so similar in their actions how had she not seen this coming? She was supposed to be the protector of everyone under this roof. How had she failed so missrably and let this go right under her nose for months? She had noticed the girl's fashion sense which concisted of only long sleeves and had questioned the girl on it a few times but stopped. She should have pushed more made the girl open up. Realisticaly she knew Callie would have just pushed her away even more had she tried to push the young girl to talk before she was ready, but she should have done something anything more to help the girl laying in bed next to her. She was so young yet so broken.. No that wasn't the right word for Callie she wasn't broken. She was hurting, more than Stef could understand. She had never gone though a fraction of what the girl next to her had gone through.

But yet even though Stef knew this was not her fault she still felt the guilt that had been wieghing on her shoulder. The had to be something more Stef could have done for this young girl. There just had to be.

A low buzzing stopped her inner monologue. Looking over at her nightstand she saw her phone lighting up, she had forgot to turn off her alarm. Usually she would wake up before the rest of the house to go for a jog in the morning but today she couldn't bring her self to get up and leave her partner and daughter. Reaching over for her phone she shut off the alarm and rolled onto her side catching Lena's eyes. The other woman had been watching her for some time. She had noticed Stef's furrowed brows. She could see the guilt washing over her partner in waves. Lena couldn't blame the other woman though she felt it too. How had they let Callie down so much to not notice what the young girl was going through and doing to her self?

Lena tried to smile at the woman staring back at her but it came out more of a grimace than a smile. They were both trying to be strong for one and other and the young girl who seemed to be peacfully sleeping next to them. Which Callie was for once in a long time. For the past few years she had got little to no sleep each night. But being here with these two women her subconcious was telling her she was safe and could finally get some much needed rest.

"What are we going to do Stef?" Lena whispered loud enough for Stef to hear her but quiet enough to where she wouldn't wake up the sleeping girl.

"Honestly Love I have no idea. We both know with how long Callie has been cutting it isn't just going to stop over night. All we can do is be there for her when she falls." Stef whispere back just as quietly. She reached over and brushed a few stray hairs out of said girls face. She smiled sadly as Callie's head followed her hand and nuzzled against it. Stef left her hand on the young girls cheek for a few moments before reaching down and taking Lena's hand in her own and laced their fingers together.

"I just wish we could stop all of her hurting." She could hear the sadness in Lena's voice and just nodded her eyes landing on the slumbering girls face once again.

"Me too love me too."

It was now a few hours later when Stef walked down the stairs and in the kitchen to find the rest of her children with bowls of cereal in front of them. The morning had been quiet no one knowing what to say to one and other. Mariana was the only one who knew what had happened last night but had told her brothers she knew nothing. This wasn't her secret to tell. She wanted Callie to trust her enough to come to her for help and if she went around telling her biggest secret that would never happen. By everything that had happened last night she had figured Callie hadn't just cut once. She didn't know the gravity of it all but she knew it had to be bad.

The four of them had gotten ready for school with out fighting for once. Everyone had been to worried about their sister to have any fight in them. They weren't thinking about how long one of them took in the shower or how long it took one of them to get ready. No their minds were focused soley on Callie. The boy's had no idea why Callie had ran out last night but they still worried about the girl who they were starting to see as a sister.

Jude was the worst of all of them. Callie had run before like that and the day after they had been sent to a different home. No one ever really kept them long. Something always happened. Most of the time though he was happy they got moved, many times it was out of abusive homes. He never really got the brunt of the abuse Callie always did but he hated seeing his siter get beaten. This house though he did not want to be moved from. This was the best house they had ever been in. All night long he was worried about them being sent away because Callie ran. He didn't know why she ran but no foster parents ever liked that. She was already labeled a flight risk this would just put it in stone. Jude loves his sister he really does but sometimes he just wished she would think before she acted. Running last night he was sure could have been avoided.

The four kids last night had sat by the phone for what felt like hours waiting for their moms to call and tell them they found Callie. Every minute that passed had felt like hours to Jude. He knew his sister would never leave him like that but the fear was constantly in the back of his mind. He had been mad at his sister for running like she had he couldn't under stand why she would run. This house was safe even she addmited it. So what had happened to make her do something so stupid? She had probably just ruined the only good thing the two siblings had going for them.

He had been so wrapped up in his thoughts he hadn't noticed Stef enter the room. The kitchen had been quiet the only noise was spoons hitting bowls. Stef's voice suddenly filling the room had cause all the kids just jump.

"Hey guys do you think you can walk to school today?" Jude noticed the dark circles undert the blondes eyes. It was obvious to him that she hadn't got any sleep that night.

"Where is Callie?" Jude didn't even realise he had asked the question until he felt all the eyes in the room on him.

"She is going to be staying home from school today but." Stef replied flashing him a smile to try and reasure him but it idn't work. He had seen that smile many times before.

"Are you sending us away? If so I should just stay here and pack." Where this bravery was coming from Jude couldn't sya. He never questioned the women when it came to doing anything the said.

"No Jude, God no we arent sending either of you anywhere. I told you this is your last way station. You both are staying right her. Mama and I we just need to talk to Callie about last night, and school for her right now isn't a good idea."

"But can't you just talk to her after school?" Even though Jude was mad at his siter right now he still wanted to be near her. Sure he had made friends at school but he was still the new kid and seeing his older sister through out the day made it all better. She made him feel safe. Ad to the fact Lena wouldn't be there either just made it all worse.

"No buddy we can't" He watched as Stef combed her fingers through her hair and then walked over to him.

"I promise you, you can talk to Callie when you get home from school. And I promise you neither of you are going anywhere anytime soon." He searched her eyes finding nothing to show she was lying so he nodded trusting the older womans words. But he still had one other question for the woman that had been bugging him all night.

"What happened to make Callie run." He watched as the older woman paused and closed her eyes. He had seen the hurt an concern that flashed through them before she had shut them. The moment she opened her eyes back up though they just looked tired again.

"Your sister is going to have to answer that for you bud." That answer caused his worries to flare back up. Why wouldn't she tell him if there was nothing to worry about? What was really going on?

"Alright guy's you need to get going before you are late." Stef quickly said before Jude could ask the millions of questions running through his mind. "Have a good day." She said walking them too the door and seeing them off.

Shutting the door Stef leaned against it. She hadn't thought of Jude being worried and asking questions. Her and Lena hadn't talked about what they would tell the kids. Should they tell them about Callie cutting? Would that be good or would it just cause Callie to shut them out even more? Shutting her eyes once again she rested the back of her head on the front door. This was going to be a long day.


	10. Chapter 10

_**AN: Hey guys thank you all so much for being patient with me and this story. I know there are many of you who understand what I am going through with Struggling with all of this and I just I still want to thank you all for the patience.**_

Callie woke up the next morning disoriented she took a few second to look around the room that was much to large to be the one she shared with Mariana. She was suprised when she found she was not in her own bed but Stef and Lena's. She was confused for a few seconds before the events of the previous night came rushing back through her mind. From Stef and Lena coming into her room to confront her about the blood stained shirt, to her panicking and running out of the house for hours until they found her, and then the talk. It had been an emotionally draining night to say the least. She was suprised she didn't feel more tired than she was.

Looking around the room once more Callie was suprised once more to find the sunlight filling the room. She was up much later than she should usually did but normally she woke up in the early hours of the morning. When the rest of the kids woke up the sun was already shining bright. Glacing at the clock on Stef's night stand her eyes widened and Callie shot out of bed when she read the numbers on the clocks face. It was already ten o'clock. She was very late.

Rushing towards the door she barely had enough time to stop when it swung open reavieling Lena standing in the doorway. Callie had slowed down enough so she didn't barell over the older woman.

"Hey I wa just coming to wake you slug a bug." Lena said with a warm smile on her face. At least it wasn't a look of pity Calie thought. Usually when people found out about her cuts she usually got the look of pity or it was ignored completely. She prefeared the later the one thing she hated the most was people pitying her. Callie tried ignoring her and pushing her way through the doorway to go change. If she hurried she still had time to get to school and not miss a majority of her classes. But Lena grabbed her upper arm to stop her. The woman had been careful not to grab anywhere that had fresh wounds on them so she didn't agitated them anymore than they already were.

"Let me go Lena I have to get ready and get to school." Both women had been expecting this sort of reaction from the young girl when she woke up so it did not faze Lenain the slightest.

They had both known Callie had wanted to go to school that morning most likely to get away from the talk they were going to have that day. In reality Callie knew it was going to happen no matter if she went to school or not. But she had been holding onto the hope od having those few hours to convince her self and find away for it not to hurt so bad when they told her they were sending her away. Because honestly what family wanted someone as broken as she was. At least she could have had a few hours to prepair her self for the inevitable.

"School is not happening today and you know as well as I do that the last thing you need to be doing is going to shcool after the day you had yesterday. You need time to heal your mind. We all do. We will see about you going tomorrow but I wont promise anything. Right now though my dear you are going to drop the attitued amd godown stairs so me you and Stef can have a nice little talk." Callie had been so focused on the panic she was feeling about them sending her away she hadn't heard Lena say anything about tomorrow.

Callie felt Lena's hand on her shoulder leading her out of the room and towards the stairs. She let the older womans hand linger on her shoulder for a few moments, craving the feeling of safty and warmth that it brought her before shrugging it off and walking ahead of the woman. Not looking back to see the look of hurt flash across the womans face when she shrugged her off. She knew she was probably already pushing the normally calm womans buttons, but Callie could not let her self feel anything for the woman. Not today. She knew this was her last day in this house and she could not afford to let them effect her anymore than they already had. She had tried not to focus on how much she had come to care for this family she really did, They had become part of hers in the short amount of time she had been here. She broke one of her many rules about this. Do not get close to any family. Do not open your heart to anyone but Jude. But these two women... This family had wiggled their way into her heart and through so many of her walls like it was nothing. It was as if her walls had holes cut in them the exact size for every one in this family and they had walked straight through them. She had been all to defensless and that was her downfall. Letting them get that close had made her make mistakes which led them to this day. Not today though, today she would push them as hard and far away as she could, so they would not care when she left. If they didn't care it would mean she wouldn't have to. If she could get them to say they did not care that they wanted her to leave it would not hurt near as bad.

Maybe though she could convince them to keep Jude. He needed them more than he needed her. Callie had convinced her self that he would be much better off with out her. Callie knew the younger boy would hate her once she left him. But after a while he would forget all about her. He would be much happier wih out her there to ruin his happiness. He would be happy with this family much happier than Callie could ever bring him. He would be much happier here than where ever Callie would end up.

"Callie why don't you sit at the table and I will make you some breakfast then we can talk." Stef said from her spot where she was standing leaning against the counter.

"I'm not hungry." Callie muttered standing next to the chair the two women wanted her to sit in. She knew Stef hatted mummbling and she was obviously not going to sit when she just stood next to the chair. She heard Stef sigh and thought her plan was working but Stef didn't sigh from exasperation. She sighed because hse saw what Callie was trying to do she knew Lena could see it as well. She was trying to push them away but that was not going to happen. They weren't going to let this girl go.

"You haven't eaten since dinner and even then you barely touched your food. You need to eat something Callie." Stef's voice was firm but still soft enough that she didn't cause the young girl to shut them out again. She igoed the obvious attitude in the girls voice as well that would be dealt with if it was needed to be but right now she let the girl be angry. Though she had been wishing she could get her calm before their discussion that morning.

"I said I'm not hungry so just drop it and say what you need tosay. The sooner this is over the easier it will be." Neither woman understood what she meant by the last part of her small rant but they dropped it. They would find out soon enough. The girls voice was hard but everyone in the room could hear the vulnerability that the young girl was trying to hide undernieth her tough exterieor.

"Alright let's talk but you need to lose the atttitude i get you are angry and you can be as angry as you want but that is no excuse to be rude. Stef and I understand that you are scared and hurt but." Lena started but was soon cut off by Callie's harsh voice.

"Scared and hurt?" She laughed out." You don't know antrhing about what I am feeling Lena. You don't. So don't stand there and try and tell me about my own damn feelings. Stop trying to sugar coat everything and get to the point. When will Bill be here to get me. I don't have much but I want to make sure I am not rushed so I dont miss anything." Both women in the room looked confused before realization dawned on Stef.

"You.. You think we are sending you away because of this?" The blonde womans mind drifted off to the conversation she had had with Jude that morning. What had these two children been through? She knew it was a lot. But what good parent would send their child away when they needed them the most. Callie needed them now no matter what she thought.

"CAllie love. We aren't sending you away you are stuck with us."

"But that is the thing Stef we aren't. We are here until Bill finds us a 'forever family.'" She used air quotes when she said forever family her voice was also sarcastic when she siad it. She was never going to get that. She didn't have that kind of luck. Another reason she wished Jude was not stuck with her. That kid deserved so much better than her. "You and your family are just temporary you know that as well as I do. So why not end it now. You would be better off with out me, The whole world would be." The last sentance was said with a hint sadness her voice cracking softly. She no finally saw that and she was sure these two women who she saw as parents would see it as well. The wordshad sounded rehersed even though they heard the sandess in them they were void of any other emotion. With how easily Callie had spoke them Lena wondered how many times the poor girl had heard them before she started believing them and saying them to her self.

Callie's voice was hard and face void of any emoions like she did not care about this conversation. But her eyes.. Her eyes told another story. They were screaming for help they ere begging the women to prove those words wrong. To tell her she was worth something anything. She needed that to be able to hold on for another day. The two women shared a look holding a silent conversation. They would not let this girl fall any deeper into the darkness that concumed her.

"Love what did I tell you that night when we went and got Jude from that house?"

"I-Why does that matter?" The question had thrown Callie for a loop. She had no idea where Stef was going with this.

"Tell me. What did I say to you that night love?" Stef LEaned back against the counter folding her arms across her chest watching Callie's mind runnign wild trying to figure out where she was going with this. She watched as the young girl looked up at her face trying to read her intentions. But she wasn't showing. "What did I say Callie I know you remember." She knew she remembered she had seen the hope that cossed Callie's face that night when she had spoke them. It meant more to the girl than she would ever admit.

"You said." Stef raised her eye brow willing the girl to cotinue. "That was then Stef those words mean nothing now. They don't count. They aren't true and you know it." Callie spoke around the lump forming in her throat making it hard for her to speak with out showing any emotion to the two women.

"What were thet love?" Stef asked once more sighing softly. This was like pulling teeth, but she needed Callie to say those words out loud. She was sure the girl had never spoke those words about here self out loud or even in her own mind. Maybe if she got the girl to say them out loud something would click. Maybe she would start to see what her and LEna saw within her. Stef knew it would not be easy but it would be a start. If she could just get the girl to plant that seed her and Lena could water it so it grew stronger and she would be able to see it as well.

"You said I am not worthless or disposable. But I don't see." The rest of her sentance was cut off by Stef. She was not going to let the girl put her self down anymore.

"No, no buts Callie. I meant those words that night when I barely knew you. I sure as hell mean them now." The woman paused stepping closer to stand in front of the girl "Love I know you don't beleive me but I promise you those words are true. Lena and I both believe it. You are worth more too the two of us than you can even begin to imagine." Her words held so much emotion in them, They held so much love that it almost made Callie believe the woman. Stef was starting to break through another set of her walls. Another one was cracked. Tears started filling her eyes and themoment the first one leaked out and ran down her cheek Stef pulled her into a tight hug. Her own eyes filled with them as well. It took a few moments before Callie responded by wrapping her own arms tightly around the taller woman and held on as tight as she could with out hurting the older woman. She had no idea what to do with all of the emotions running through her. She knew how to deal with depression, grief, pain, and anger but this she hadn't felt in a long time. It was a love that was only shared between a child and their mother. That scared Callie more than it should have. It terrified her and she had no idea how to deal with it.

 _ **AN: Sorry about any mistakes by the way I typed this pretty quickly so I do apologize anyay I hope you like this one**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**AN: Hey guys I appologise for beeing away for so long. After my last chapter I was intending only too take a few days away from my writing but I ended up having a little bit of a break down. Well not really a little but that is what I keep telling my self. So I decided to take a little more time for me. I appologise for that but I am hoping getting back into writing will help with all I am feeling. Any ways I just wanted to give a little bit of an explination. Thank you guys for your patience.**_

Stef and Lena sat will Callie wrapped in their arms until long after the young girls tears had dried. Niether of the two women wanted to let their daughter go just yet they werent ready to. Knowing that she thought they were going to get rid of her and she was still feeling like this was just temporary they wanted to prove to her that they loved her the same as any of their other children. They both knew it would take a long time for the guarded teenager to beleive them but both women were more than willing to put in the time to prove it too the girl. They knew one long hug wouldn't prove it but it was definitely a start, expecially since she was holding onto them just as long an didn't seem to want to let go either. She was holding on to Stef just as tight as they were holding on to her.

Callie didn't know why she was still hugging the two older women this had to have been the longest hug in the history of hugging but no matter how hard she tried she could not get her self to let go. She had long since stopped her break down and that was normally when the hugging stopped right? But she just couldn't bring her slef to let go. It was almost as if her arms were glued togther around the blonde woman.

They stayed like that another few moments before they all seemed to pull away at the exact same time. Though none of them spoke for a few moments no one knw just what to say.

 _So this is where the akward part comes in to play_ Callie thought as she sat on the floor of the kitchen. She was refusing to look at the two women who were now staring at her. That was what made her start to play with the end of the sleeve of her shirt. She wasn't looking at the two women but her nervous action had caused both womens eyes to drop to her arms.

"Alright love I know you aren't going to like this but we are going to go up to mamas and my bathroom, I have to check your arms to make sure they aren't infected and none of them need medical attention." Stef spoke breaking the silence of the house. She watched as Callie's eyes shot up to hers and she saw the moment the teenager was going to argue with her but she quickly silenced her argument. "I wont take no for an answer sweets. It is going to happen no matter what. I need to see the damage that has been done and as a mother I want to make sure you are okay." She didn't think that was the right way to put it but it was the only thing that came to mind.

Callie was attempting to stare her down but she would not not with the girls health at risk. Their stare down lasted a few moments before Callie finally backed down and agreed. Stef stood first offering her hand to the two sitting on the ground. Lena accepted and she pulled her up. But Callie just shook her head and Stood up on her own walking in front of the two older women.

Stef and Lena shared a look shaking their head in fondness. Such a stubborn girl.

When the got to their bathroom Stef closed the lid on the toilet and motioned for Callie to sit on it. When the girl didn't move she placed her hands on the girls shoulder and gentslly moved her so she was standing in front of it. She didn't make her sit though the girl could do that on her own. She didn't want her thinking they were taking all of her choices from her. That would just cause her to fight them every step of the way and hide even more from them.

"Alright love if you dont want to sit you dont have to but I am going to check your wrists. Is there any where else you have cut that we don't know about?" Stef asked and as an after thought she said. "If we think you are lying to us we will check for our selves and I really don't want to put you through that today love."

"No it was just my arms. I promise." Calie spoke her eyes widening at Stef saying they would check for them selves she really didn't want that. Though in the back of her mind she was glad they were giving her the chance to speak up about it. Not that she would ever admit it out loud. Right now she was too angry because she knew they were going to take away her only life line to deal with everything that had happened to her. With out cutting she didn't know how she would cope. She didn't think it would be pretty though. Cutting was the only thing keeping her sane at the moment.

"Okay I beleive you." Stef said after a few moments of studying the girl for any sign that she was lying. None of their kids knew it but they all had tells when they were lying. They alwyas thought they were being so sneaky but both her and Lena almost always knew when they were lying. Callies tell was she always played with the fabric on a part of her cloths weather it be rubbing it with her thumb or picking at it. It was very close to her nervous habit but usually when she was nervous she would play with the necklace that was always hanging around her neck.

"Do you want to roll up you sleave or do you want me too?" Lena was now standing in front of her. They both hand medical training but Lena figured she would keep a calmer head when dealing with this. Stef was so passionate when it came to the kids health she didn't want the girl to think Stef was mad at her if she got in her mama bear mode. They weren't not one bit they knew how easy it was for kids to turn to this version of therapy. So no they werent mad at the girl but she didnt figure Callie would see it that way.

It took a minute but Callie finally rolled up the sleaves of she shirt and looked away. Lena looked down and saw the bandages covering both of the girls wrists. She kept her face calm even though in side her heart was breaking even more for the girl she was coming to view as her daughter.

"Alright love I am just going to take off your banages and then I am going to check for any sign of infection." Lena figured talking what she was doing would keep Callie calmer than just going for it. Slowly she pulled the medical tape off and pulled the banages off.

She had to hold in a gasp as she was the magnitude of scars that littered the young girls arms. This had obviously gone on for quite some eyes trailed down her forearm and when she saw the fresh cuts on the girls arms she had to bite her lip. Lena took her time to look over each one looking to make sure they weren't to deep or infected.

"Well some of them are getting a little red and angry we will have to keep an eye on them to make sure they dont get worse but you don't need stiches in any of them."

"Of course I Don't I'm not stupid. And I Can clean them this isn't my first time." CAme Callies harsh reply. She didn't know where it came from but she imidiatly regretted saying it. They were just trying to help but she didn't want them seeing her like this.

"Hey attitude." Stef said from her spot across the room. She listene as Callie muttered an applogy to Lena who was now sifting through the first aid kit. She pulled out a few things and placed them on the counter and turned back to the young girl who was refusing to look either of them in the eyes.

"Okay Callie I am going to spray some of this on your wrists and then I am going to wrap them again. This may sting." She waited for a reply from the teenager she wasn't suprised when one didn't come. So she went to work quickly spraying and wrapping the girls wrists.

"One of us is going to check your wrists daily to make sure they don't get even more infected."

"What you mean to say is one of you is going to check daily for any more cuts." Callie interupted finally looking at the two.

"Well yes that too but we understand you aren't going to stop right away. We have to find a better way for you to cope but don't take that as an invitation to keep doing it. Yes we understand you will slip up and sometimes it will be too much for you and we want you to come to us before you do but if you dont we want you to come to us after so we can help you. But if you take advantage of our genrosity we willl have to take more extreme messures love. We really don't want to put you through that but for your safty we will."

AN: I hope you guys enjoyed and I Will try to update again soon.


	12. Chapter 12

_**AN: Hey guys I know I keep going off the grid but I have been working twelve to sixteen hour days here lately between my two jobs and this is my first day off where I haven't crashed and slept the entire day. I am working on trying to get more writing done but its hard with the two jobs and therapy twice a week I haven't even really thought about writing.**_

Callie sighed for at least the seventh time as she sat on her bed. Stef and Lena were in the process of going through her and Marianas room to look for any razor blades she had hiden away. They had told her it was going to happen something she had figured would happen but it didn't make it any less irritating on her. Callie knew she was starting to get on the two oler womens nerves with all of the sighing she was purposly doing it loudly. She hadn't planned on making this easy for them. They were taking away he only life line to sanity, her only tool of comfort. She had no idea how she was going to cope with out it.

It also wasn't making it any easier on the teenage because they had taken all of the razors out of the bathroom. How were they going to explain to the other kids that they had to come to one of them when ever they needed to shave with out telling them about Callie's cutting? Logically Callie knew it wasn't a secret anymore Mariana had already found out and so had both Stef and Lena but she didn't want everyone else knowing expecially Jude. She didn't want to have to explain to her younger brother that she was so messed up that she couldn't deal with day to day struggles with out the comfort of feeling a cool blade pressing into her skin. That she couldn't function with out feeling the relief it brought her. How was she going to explain to her younger brother that his sister who was supposed to protect him and always be there for him thought about dying more often than not? Those were not things you could just explain to a kid his age. Hell Callie still barley understood it and she was the one doing it to her self. All she knew was that cutting made everything easier for those few moments of numbness it brought.

* * *

Stef looked over her shoulder at the young girl sitting on the bed as she sighed for what felt like the millionth time. Obviously she knew that was a over exageration but for the last twenty minutes since they started going through the bathroom the girl had been grating on her nerves. Sure she hadn't said anything or even tried putting up a fight but she didn't need to she knew how to push their buttons and she was trying her hardest to make on of them snap and just give up on their search. Honestly it made Stef more worried that the teenager hadn't given up any amount of fight when they had told her they were going to search through her stuff for anything she could use to harm her self. Callie had just folded her arms over her chest and shrugged. They had no idea what was going through her mind it was almost as if none of this was fazing the girl.

In her years of being a cop Stef had seen plenty of kids going through the same thing her daughter was going through andn one of them had been as calm as their daughter was. There was always screaming and fighting trying to hide at least one blade. Callie had done none of them all she had said was "Good luck finding them." With a shrug. The lack of emotion was worrying Stef beyond belief. She had steeled her self to fight Callie tooth and nail but nothing came. Besides snide comments here and there. There was nothing else. How far gone was the girl to the point where she didn't even care what happened any more? With ever blade they found and through out she would look to the girl and see if there was any emotion but she would just sit there with her arms crossed watching them and sigh like they were wasting her time. Were there more blades hidden to the point where she didn't care that they took that one away? Or was it something else? The fact that she didn't know and could not get Callie to tell them if there were anymore was driving Stef insane she was almost wishing the teenage would put up some amount of fight so she knew that the girl wasn't so far gone to the point where she wasn't holding in all of her feelings. Didn't Callie understand they were just trying to protect her? That was their job as mothers to protect their children whether it be from others or them selves. Why did she have to make them search through every nook and crany in her room?

Though if Stef was being honest even if Callie had given them some of the ones she had found she would have went through the entire room any ways. Not that she didn't trust the girl she did she really did but she wouldn't trust her to give them every single one. Both her and Lena understood that cutting was helping the girl cope with life. Which is why they will understand when it happens again but be that as it may they both refuse to enable the girl. Expecially when it comes to something that is life or death which this is.

Taking away the blades seemed like the only logical way to deal with getting rid of the temptation. They were both trying not to be over baring but honestly at this point Stef didn't care. Even though she realises this is going to be an uphill battle she was trying to make it easier on all three of them. She was hoping with the tools taken away Callie would eventually come to them when she feels like cutting. Neither her or Lena knew of any other way besides getting Callie to see a therapist which they were already working on. But even getting her to see someone didn't mean she was going to talk to the therapist. Callie was too much like her in that way. Neither of hem liked talking about things they both liked to deal with it all by them selves. But Stef just wished Callie could see her doing that was killing her.

* * *

Lena could see that both her wife and daughter were getting irritated with this whole process. they were both so similar if this wasn't such a serious situation Lena probably would have laughed. She often wondered if the two of them saw how much a like they really were. It always surprised her how well the Jacobs siblings fit so well into their house. With Callie being so much like Stef and Jude being so much like her it was easy to see them as their own children. Granted yes all of their kids were theirs no matter who they came from but they were so much like the two of them it always seemed to surprise Lena. Which was why this whole situation was killing her inside. She never thought she would have to deal with something like this. All of their kids were so open with them. It honestly didn't surprise her that Callie was the one to end up like this. She didn't know how the girl had gone through even half the stuff she had been through in life. most people she knew would never have been able to deal with any of it.

She just wished they had caught this before it got to that point. She hated seeing the girl in so much pain. As a mother seeing any of her kids in a situation like this was killing her she wished she could take away all of the pain and hardships she had encountered.

 ** _AN: I know this wasn't a very exciting chapter but I kind of wanted to get some of their thought processes out of the way so you guys can kind of understand where I am coming from with the character development._**


	13. Chapter 13

A few hours had passed since Stef and Lena had cleared out all of the sharp objects in Callie's room and the kids bathroom the two women had decided to give Callie some space to be able to process all of the events that had happened in the past few days. They knew it had to have been overwhelming for the teenager. It would be overwhelming for anyone honestly. They didn't want to be over bearing and cause the girl to push them away even more than she already had. They both knew if it was them in this situation they would have needed sometime to deal with the emotions Callie had to have been feeling. Though it still worried them to leave her alone to do that, they knew how Callie dealt with strong emotions which is why they were in this situation. But they trusted her enough to leave her alone for that amount of time. It made both women feel better that they had found all of her hidden blades, well at least they hope they had.

Knocking on the door they waited to hear a reply before entering. Even with everything going on they were trying to give the teenager some amount of privacy. It was hard for them both though. They were trying to deal with this the best they could but they had only eve dealt with it seeing it from the out side with other peoples families, never with anyone they cared deeply for. They were trying to protect the girl and stop her from harming her self any further but they didn't want to be too over bearing and cause her to become even more clever about hiding her cutting. Or turning to something else more self destructive.

When they heard Callie's voice telling them to come in Lena opened the door and they both walked over to the girls bed they were worried about how Callie would take this next conversation they were going to have. They knew she would hate it and fight them on it but it was something that needed to be done. Lena took a seat on the edge of her bed next to the teenager while Stef stayed standing.

"Hey sweets how are you feeling?" Stef asked, she wanted to know honestly. First and foremost came Callie's health. Sure they needed to talk to her but if she wasn't feeling good they would push it off and help her with what ever she needed.

"Peachy." Came Callie's sarcastic reply. They had come to understand the girls defense mechanism was sarcasm. Not that it was okay for her to be doing that, but right now they wanted her to be comfortable.

"I want an honest answer love. We need to know how you are feeling you have a rough couple of days and if it is too much for you we need to know."

"You want to know if I am in the state of mind where I want to cut. Just say it. You don't have to walk on egg shells around me. I am not some fragile piece of glass. You can say I with out setting me off in some sort of self harm rampage."

"We are trying to help you Callie. Yes we want to know when you are feeling like cutting. But we don't see you as breakable. We never have and never will. But we are trying to help."

"I'm fine." Stef raised her eyebrow they needed more than I'm fine from her. "What do you want me to say? I'll never cut again? You both already know it doesn't work like that. You took away my only way I know how to cope. Yeah I am freaking out and panicking and don't really know how to deal with that information. But do I want to cut right now? The answer is no. So I am fine. Lets just leave it at that." Stef studied the teen for a few moments before nodding she believed her. At least she was honest about no liking them taking away her tools.

"Thank you for opening up some about that. Now that that is over Stef and I need to talk to you about something." Looking at Stef Lena paused she wasn't quite sure how to start this conversation. It was obvious to them this was a necessary step they needed to take but neither were sure how the girl sitting in front of them would take it.

"We were talking and I know you wont want this but we need to tell the other kids about what is going on."

"What? No! You can't" Callie interrupted her voice cracking some at her outburst .

"We have to love we never keep anything from you guys and you know this especially something this serious. They are going to ask questions about why you didn't go to school today and why all of the razors are being locked away and we wont lie to them love." Callie was looking away from them at this point but they could see how tense she had become. Her jaw muscle was flexing as she clenched her jaw.

"I'm sorry Callie but it needs to be done. We were just coming to ask you if you wanted to be there for the conversation or not. Either way it is happening we just wanted to give you a choice.

"Some choice. I can either have you guys talking about me with out me there and have all of the other kids know I am crazy. Or have me there and get to see them all come to that realization." Truthfully she wasn't worried about the other kids knowing They were just a temporary family. She would only have to deal with them for a little longer but she was worried about what one person in this house would say . Jude. What would he think? What would he say? She had spent so many years hiding this from him and now it would all be out in the open.

"You are not crazy Callie none of them will think that. And Lena and I will be there to make sure they wont say anything to you. They deserve to know though. You don't have to be there if it will be to uncomfortable for you though"

"No I am going to be there." Callie left it at that not giving them a reason on why she chose to be there.

When the kids got home from school the moms and Callie were sitting in the living room Callie had chose one of the chairs where she could sit by her self. She didn't want anyone near her for this conversation. The sounds of the other children filled the quiet house.

"Hey guys can you come in here for a little we need to talk to you about something." Stef spoke causing all of the chatter to stop instantly. Usually when one of the moms said that it meant business. They all filed into the living room taking seats where ever they could.

"Are you feeling better Callie? Stef and Lena said you were sick this morning." Jude asked looking at his older sister. She didn't look sick but maybe she just had a small bug. Though she didn't look happy she was refusing to look at any of them she just stared straight ahead. Before she could answer Lena started talking.

"That's actually what we wanted to talk to you guys about." Jude looked up at the woman he had grown close to. Why would they need to talk to them about Callie not feeling well?

"We kind of lied to you guys about Callie not feeling well." Jude looked over at his sister trying to get her attention to find out what they were talking about but she still wouldn't look at him. "We found something out last night that may be hard for you guys to understand. But we don't want any of you freaking out or talking before we are done. Okay?" A chorus of okays followed all of them looking confused.

They told the story of what had happened causing them to find out about Callie's self harm. There were gasps and Callie could feel them staring at her but she didn't want to see the looks on there faces.

"Are you serious? You can't be that stupid Callie." All eyes landed on Brandon who had spoken those words, Callie had even looked at him. She had been expecting and out burst from Jude not him.

"Brandon!" Stef scolded not believing her oldest son.

"No mom I thought she was smarter than that. Life is never bad enough to do that to your self. Sure you had a sort of rough life but not bad enough to want to end it. And Don't use you being a foster kid as a reason to justify what you are doing. There are three other kids in this house who are foster kids and they didn't resort to that." At this Callie couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"You don't know anything about my life Brandon. So don't you dare tell me my life hasn't been that bad. You don't know everything I have been through. And sure Jesus and Marian are foster kids but they got lucky finding you guys so early we weren't that lucky. We were moved from one hell house to the next."

"Jude has been in those same houses with you and he isn't doing what you are. A Thirteen year old is stronger and smarter than you are." Callie scoffed at this. She couldn't believe what he was saying at that moment.

"Yeah Jude was there but you don't know what I went through to protect him from those houses. I have scars covering my body from beatings because I took a majority of them so he didn't have to. I have had bones broken from foster parents just because they didn't like me or they just felt like it. I went hungry most of the time so Jude would have enough to eat so he didn't have to feel hunger pains. I have been broken down and when I thought I was completely broken we went to a new home and that family found a new way to break me. You think life can't get that bad? That is because you have three parents who will always love you. You are lucky. I have had things taken from me that I will never be able to get back or replace. You haven't dealt with a quarter of the things I have. So don't you dare try and tell me my life hasn't been that bad. You don't know what it is like to not feel wanted to not feel loved. Cutting was the only way I could clear all of those negative feelings out of my head to be able to stay alive and sane for Jude. So I could protect him from those people." With that Callie stormed out of the room leaving a stunned room.

"You are an idiot. Why are you so mad? She isn't your sister she is mine and I would never have reacted like that. I'm thirteen and apparently everyone in this room is smarter than you." Jude said from his seat.

"Brandon go to your room me and you are going to have a long talk. Lena go check on Callie now." Stef had seen the tears in the girls eyes when she left the room and she was worried about what she would do. Though she hadn't needed to tell Lena to go check on her she was already on her way out of the room following in Callie's foot steps. Looking at the remaining kids who were still frozen in their spots Stef sighed.

"If you guys want to talk more about this or have any more questions come find Mama or I later and we will be happy to help you through this. And please if any of you are feeling like hurting your selves come talk to us. We don't want to see any of our kids going through that."

 _ **AN: So sorry Brandon fans I needed a "bad guy" In this story not that he is always going to be the bad guy. Just osome people have a hard time hearing about cutting and usually family members take hearing news about cutting the worst well at least in my experience they did. Not saying that is how it is in every family. If you are cutting and wanting to talk to someone I urge you too don't let my experience scare you away from getting help. Please.**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**AN: Hey guys I apologize for the wait. I wanted to update this sooner but I haven't been able to bring my self to write. Things have been pretty bad lately and my mental health was not in a good state. It still really isn't but I'm doing a bit better. Holidays are hard for me and with everything else going on I just haven't had the motivation to do anything. So I just buried my self in working as much as possible and trying not to have a mental break down. Any ways enough of that I hope there are still some of you guys who still are reading this and I hope you enjoy.**_

Callie didn't know where she was heading all she knew was she had to get out of that house and away from Brandon. She was having a hard time seeing through the tears burning her eyes, she refused to let them fall though. She had cried to many times over the words other people spoke about her. A long time ago Callie had promised her self never again. Never again would she cry over people who wouldn't stay in her life. He had no right saying what he did not that he really under stood what he was saying, but that didn't mean it hurt any less than it would have if he did know.

"Callie wait!" She heard Lena calling after her but Callie kept walking she did not want to be around any of them. She knew what they would say. They would defend Brandon and tell her she was just over reacting. It was the same story every time. Foster parents would always defend there kids, her feelings never mattered and why should they? She was just the temporary child. Why should her emotions matter to them? That was another lesson she had learned as soon as she went into the system.

Callie angrily wiped the tears from her eyes and looked around. Of course she had headed out back where the only way out was back the way she had came from where Lena was blocking her path. Stopping she stood still facing away from the woman.

"Callie." Lena's voice filled the quiet night air. She waited for Callie to respond. To turn around or say something anything. But the girl stood still almost like a statue The only thing moving was the girls hands which were shaking. This worried Lena after what had happened the girl should have had more of an emotional reaction, sure she had stormed out but Lena was sure that was more of an automatic response that emotions."Callie please just talk to me."

"What do you want me to say Lena?" Callie's voice was tight with emotions mostly anger. Though that was mostly at her self partly for not paying attention to where she was going and getting her self caught like this. She needed to get away from this place to clear her head. She didn't want to talk. That would not make her feel better what would make her feel better was cutting and she could not do that here.

"Say something, anything I just need to know how you are feeling." Lena was hoping the teenager would turn around but she stayed standing facing away from her. She needed to know what Callie was thinking but with her not being able to look at her face and into her eyes she couldn't read the girl.

"There is nothing to say." Was the reply Callie gave.

"If there wasn't anything to say you wouldn't have left the room and ran out here. So talk to me tell me what is going through your mind love." Lena's voice was soft and calm. It was almost like she was talking to a scared child but not so much that Callie would take offence to it. Callie was so independent that if Lena would have done that it would have just pushed the girl further away from her.

"I left because I wasn't going to let him talk to me like that." She was getting defensive now, Callie didn't know why but she knew if Stef and Lena took Brandon's side in this it would hurt. It would hurt way more that anything she had ever felt and that scared her.

"You shouldn't have had to hear that. He had no right yelling at you like that. But why don't you and I sit down and talk?"

"I don't want to talk I am fine."

"That is the thing though love you aren't fine. I think the past few days have proved that. It is okay that you are not okay love. You have ben strong for so long it is okay to fall apart sometimes and need help."

"I can't." Callie said with a shake of her head.

"Why can't you Callie?" Lena was hoping they were finally getting somewhere with this. She hoping she was finally getting through to the girl that she could talk to them. Callie was stubborn she would give the girl that. At this point though she was being to stubborn for her own good.

"I just can't Lena. Can't we just leave it at that and move on?" She looked back at Lena and the look in the teenagers eyes made the womans heart break all over again. Her face was hard but the look in her eyes was the same look that made her decide to bring Callie home that first day. It was a look of pleading for someone to help her. The look of someone who was on the edge of breaking down.

"No we can't just move on." Callie sighed she was getting frustrated. The need to cut was becoming stronger her skin was itching and only one thing would get rid of it. "

"I just can't okay? I cant break down and rely on you and Stef too pick up the pieces." Callie's voice was raised by now she spun around and looked at the woman standing behind her.

"That is what we are here for love."

"But you wont always be here. You and Stef made it perfectly Clear that this" She gestured towards Lena and the house. "This is just temporary we are here until Bill finds us a _permanent home."_ Callie made air quotes and scoffed when she said permanent home. That was never going to happen for her. "So no I am not going to do that not again. I've made the mistake of trusting people with my heart and I can not handle it being ripped to shreds again I can't. It hurts way to much and I don't think I would be able to survive it. You and Stef are great mothers but don't you dare sit there telling me you are here to help when we don't know how long I will be here. The promise to be here means absolutely nothing to me. There has been two constants in my life and you guys took one of them away from me today."

"Callie.." Lena shouldn't have been as surprised as she was when Callie's rant ended. Of course she was upset about this. All this girl wanted and needed was stability not to keep moving from home to home knowing she wouldn't be ripped from her happiness, she would need to talk to Stef about this. Even if a permanent house was found for them Stef would not let them go until she had done proper research on the house and family. But now that it was brought up she didn't think she could handle letting these two children go. She had already come to see and love them as her own.

"Don't Lena. Don't try and deny any of it you know its true from day one I have known this was temporary but I still let you guys get under my skin. Get closer to me than anyone ever has, knowing this was all going to be ripped away. God Brandon was right I am stupid." she was pacing by this point her hands were clenched into tight fists causing her nails to dig into her skin. This helped ease some of the urge to cut but she knew it would not be enough to get the edge off. She needed a razor and was becoming more and more desperate by the second.

"No Callie you are no stupid. There is nothing wrong with letting people close. If you shut your self off from feeling and letting people close you will miss some amazing relationships. Stef and I we love having you and Jude here. We want you here. We want you happy and safe." Lena was at a loss on how to help callie at this point usually she was good at things like this but she had no idea how to calm the girl. She couldn't deny that this was a temporary home until she talked to Stef. She couldn't dispute any of what the teenager was saying with out telling her her feelings were wrong and she shouldn't feel how she was. Which everything she was feeling was warranted. She just wished she could get the girl to see that opening up would help her more that harm her. Yes maybe it would suck for the girl but in the long run it would be better for her mental and physical health.


	15. Chapter 15

Stef followed Brandon up to his room shutting the door behind her she didn't need any of the other kids eves dropping on their conversation.

"Care to explain what you were thinking back there?" She asked him. She understood he was upset she really did it was hard hearing someone you care about was hurting them selves but to react like that in front of said person was just selfish in her eyes.

"What? She is stupid what does hurting your self help? Absolutely nothing that's what."

"B I know you don't understand it but Callie is not stupid you don't know all that she has been through. Mama and I don't know everything. We know a bit of it but not all of it so we can't truly understand why she is doing it but Calling her stupid and yelling at her does not help." She was trying to reason with the teenager but when he was like this it wasn't easy to do.

"No maybe that is what she needs coddling her and acting as though it isn't happening isn't going to help either."

"Mama and I aren't coddling her Brandon we are showing her love and understanding something that girl down there has never felt. You have three parents who love you. For almost nine years she hasn't felt love besides from Jude. Mama and I have heard about some of her past families and we understand why she would turn to that. No we don't like it is happening and we are doing everything we can to help her but it is going to take time."

"And what if love and understanding doesn't work what then? Someone just needs to shake some sense into her and get it over with." Stef couldn't believe her what her son was saying she swore they had raised him better than this.

"The last thing Callie needs to have is someone 'shake some sense' into her Brandon and I can not believe you would even suggest that. I don't need your suggestions on how to help Callie. You will not talk to her about this again she does not need your kind of help."

"Well someone needs to parent her she has been nothing but trouble since coming here. That's the last thing this family needs."

"There are parents in this house and Guess what bud you are grounded. Home and school that's it." stef left after that she was trying to keep her calm with the teenager but hearing how he was speaking she couldn't keep her calm much longer.

* * *

Lena made sure Callie was in her room and wasn't going anywhere before she allowed her self to leave the teenagers side. Even though Callie wasn't talking to her it didn't seem as though the girl minded Lena being near her. She had stayed pretty close to Lena's side the rest of the night leaving just enough distance between the two of them to make it seem as though she didn't need to be near the older woman, but in all honesty she was craving the comfort the woman always brought. The two women gave Callie a different feeling. Where Lena brought her comfort Stef brought her the feeling of safety. And even though she took more to Stef Lena was a close second when it came to comforting Callie. It wasn't that Callie loved Stef more than Lena no that wasn't it at all. Her and Stef were so similar and Stef was so much like Callie's birth mother that Callie jus gravitated towards the blond woman more.

Lena opened up her own bedroom door to find Stef sitting on their bed reading. The other woman put down her book as soon as she saw Lena enter the room.

"How did it go with Brandon?"

"I grounded him. I get he doesn't understand what is really happening but he kept fighting me and being disrespectful. I hope he doesn't do anything stupid like that again. He can feel how ever he wants but Callie doesn't need him making her feel worse about what is going on. How is she?" Stef asked and as soon as she asked she saw Lena deflate. That was never a good sign. She was now even more nervous and worried than before.

"She doesn't want to open up to us Stef because this is still only a temporary home to her. She wants to open up to us but she can't allow her self to because she is afraid of being removed at the drop of a hat. She doesn't know how long this home will last and she doesn't want to lose another mother let alone two." Hearing that caused Stefs heart to hurt. She never wanted any of their children to feel this way, but she understood where Callie was coming from. Technically this was still just a temporary home. But it hadn't felt like that to Stef for a long time those two kids belonged in this home.

Stef could see where Lena was going with this conversation. Well she hoped she knew where it was going she had been thinking a lot on Callie and Judes placement in there home, long before they found out about Callie's cutting. She just didn't want to get her hopes up if Lena went a different direction with this conversation. Though after ten years being together she hoped she understood her partners thought process.

"So what should we do love?" Lena sat next to her on the bed turning towards her.

"I know we said we didn't have the room for them but I Can't let them go Stef I can't they are ours. It would break my heart to let them go. This is their house. I think we all feel that way. We already made the room for them and it is working for us." Lena looked at Stef trying to judge how the other woman would react to this news. She didn't have to wait long when a smile spread across Stefs face.

"I was hoping you would say that. I can't let them go either. We will have to talk to Jesus Mariana and Brandon but I think we already know their answers." They both worried about Brandon's answer hopefully by tomorrow he will have calmed down enough to think straight. They didn't want him to say no and them cause a fight. They were going to adopt these two kids but they did not want any strain in there home to cause an complications.

"We can talk to them tomorrow I want to start the process as soon as possible Callie and Jude deserve to finally have a family."

"They have had a family for months love."

"I know that but do they? They may already feel the connection but I think they need it to be in black and white and finalized in the eyes of the law." Lena said with a sad smile. Of course the two Jacobs kids felt that way how could they not? She would want it to be legal if it was her in their shoes.

"I know love and soon it will be I will make sure of that." There was a fire in Stefs eyes that Lena had seen many times. It only showed when the blond was fighting for her family.

"We are really doing this aren't we?" Lena said smiling. She could not wait to have Callie and Jude officially be a part of their family.

"We are love we really are." Stef leaned over and kissed her partner. They were finally going to make their family whole.

 ** _AN: thank you guys for being so patient with me. I am trying to write as much as possible but not having my own computer it makes it a little hard to update. Hopefully you guys enjoyed this chapter I wanted to write a little bit of fluff I know these types of stories can get a little depressing and I needed to write some happy parts for it._**


	16. Chapter 16

_**AN: Hey guys this may be the last update for a while. My company shut down out here in Nevada and I got a pretty good opportunity to move up in the company. But that means moving out to California and I have no idea when I will be able to buy a computer and get internet out there so I apologize for That. I have a week before I move so I doubt I will be able to update anymore. I hope you guys will still be here when I get everything up and running until then I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks you guys**_

 _ **\- Brittany.**_

It was the weekend by the time Stef finally had a chance to contact Bill about her and Lenas decision to adopt Callie and Jude. She had been hoping to get to it sooner but every time she had any free time she was spending it with the kids and they wanted to surprise Callie and Jude with their decision. She had the day off so she was going to make the best of it. They had already talked to the rest of the kids to get their opinions on it. Mariana had been the most excited about it. The moment the words came out of Stef and Lena's mouths she had jumped up and practically screamed yes saying how she had always wanted a sister. Though she hadn't proved that when they had first brought Callie into their home. Now though they could see how Callie being here had effected Mariana she looked up to the older girl and it showed. Jesus had just shrugged and said it was cool with him though Stef had seen the excitement in his eyes. He loved having Jude in his room even though he didn't always show it. And he was just as protective of Callie as he was Mariana even though they weren't as close as they could be. But he would do anything for the girl just as he would anyone else in this family.

Brandon though he had still been upset about being grounded. He had just muttered whatever and had walked away. Stef was sure he would get over it though. They knew he wanted the two Jacobs kids there. Her and Lena they were ready to have those two children become real members of their family. Though real probably wasn't the best word for it. They already were real members of the family just not in the eyes of the sate. Stef was determined to make it official though. She would walk through hell a million times to make Callie and Jude officially theirs.

With all that in mind Stef picked up her phone and searched through her contacts for Bills phone number. She was glad she had saved it. They hadn't had to use it in so long she was almost worried she didn't still have it saved. Hitting the Call button she only had to wait for it to ring twice before she heard his voice on the other end of the call.

"This is Bill."

"Hi Bill this is Stefanie Fosters. "

"Oh hello is everything alright? You never call me. Nothing happened did it?" She could hear the worry in his voice but the tone sounded off to her almost as if it were faked concern.

"No. No nothing happened I just needed to talk to you about something." She assured him quickly. The exasperation was clear in his voice and she did not want him to think the worst though she could tell he already had.

"Okay. What do you need then?"

"Lena and I were talking about Jude and Callie and.." She didn't get the chance to finish he sentence before he cut her off.

""I am trying my hardest to find Callie and Jude a permanent home Stef I know I said it wouldn't take long but there are few and far options of families wanting to take in two teenagers I am really trying Stef it is just with Callie's record and back round it is hard to find her somewhere. We could have found Jude a nice home but since they wont separate we just need more time. She isn't the easiest to find a good home for." Stef had to take a deep breath and Calm her self before she spoke. She did not take kindly to people insulting her family. All of her will power went into not ripping him a new one. She knew she needed him on her side to get the two kids to stay in their home.

"Well Bill let me make your life a little bit easier and take a little bit off your plate. We already found Callie and Jude a permanent home." Stef looked up when she thought she heard a noise and waited a few moments before shaking her head when it got quiet all over again. Looking at the time she shook her head none of the kids would be up for a few more hours.

"Look Stef that is great and All but I cant just pass them off to the first willing home. There is a whole lot more steps involved than that."

"No you are mistaken the home is this one. We want to formally adopt them an make them a part of this family. And I do not appreciate you thinking I would just pass them off to anyone. You have known me for far to ling to know both Lena and I better than that." She had been trying to hold her tongue but this man was getting on her last nerve. Usually he was good she and respected him when he dealt with Mariana and Jesus but right now she could not understand how he was a social worker.

"Wait you want to adopt them? Stef are you sure?"

At that Stef had to pull the phone away and she just stared at the screen wondering if she had really heard him right. She knew she had but honestly could not believe it. Was this guys seriously asking if she was sure about adopting them? Wasn't that the end goal here? To get them adopted? To get them into a safe steady home.

"Yes Bill I am absolutely sure about this. Why wouldn't I be?" There was a bite to her words now. She was hanging onto her temper by a thread by this point.

"I know this is going to sound bad, but there is a reason why those two kids have never been adopted. Like I said Callie has a record and there is some stuff we had to cut out of her record so she wasn't just put in a group home. You don't know everything about her Stef that girl is a handful. Trust me I have known her since she was nine years old there is plenty of stuff we have over looked to keep her and Jude together. I like you and Lena that is why I am saying this. I think you would be better off just fostering her for a bit longer until." This time it was Stef who cut him had listened to enough of his spiel she could not hear anymore.

"I can not believe you are actually saying any of this. You are supposed to be there for these kids to get them into a safe home. We trusted you with that. Here I am offering that for them with open arms and you are trying to convince me not to all because of that girls file? Well let me tell you this that girl is so much more than her file. You will sadly never see that but Lena and I do and we love her for it. You also admitted about keeping facts out of her file and Cutting corners which is illegal and you just admitted it to a police officer. I could have your job for this. But since I had respect for you before this conversation here is what is going to happen. I am going to contact your boss and demand a new social worker for this case and get the adoption set in place my self. I am going to give this conversation to your boss but I will not press charges for the rest. Good bye Bill." With that she hung up wishing she had an older phone so she could slam it down not just angrily press on the screen it was not satisfying enough for her.

Callies POV

Callie had woken up earlier than she had wanted to. They had been up late the night before watching movies and hadn't gone to bed until late that night or well morning. Mariana was still asleep and Callie did not want to wake her up so she just decided to just get up and go get something to eat. Her stomach had been growling at her for the last ten minutes and she was tired of trying to ignore it. Heading down stairs she heard Stef talking she couldn't really make out what the woman was saying until she got down the stairs. She was going to just ignore it not wanting to eves drop on the older womans conversation. That was until she hit the bottom of the stairs and heard hers and Jude's name. She paused behind the wall where she knew Stef could not see her. She could not hear the other end of the conversation so she only heard parts of it. She was confused who would Stef be talking to about them?

"We already found Callie and Jude a permanent home." That stopped Callie dead in her tracks. They were getting rid of them? Hearing Stef say that had just shattered callie. She knew she hadn't showed it often enough but she respected the older woman and was coming to love her. But that whole time they were helping Bill look for another home for them? Callie couldn't bare hear the rest of the conversation she needed to get out of there. She turned to leave but bumped the table slightly making it slide a few inches. She didn't even wait to see if Stef would come and check it out she all but ran from the room. She could not face the woman right now. She needed to leave to do something anything to get rid of the feeling burning in her chest. She hadn't felt this heart broken since her mom had died.

She needed to cut and now. She had been doing so well not cutting in over a week trying to make Stef and Lena proud but now... Now the urge had come back with a vengeance and she needed to do it now. It would not be ignored.


	17. Chapter 17

_**An: Hey guys sorry about the huge delay It took most of my money to move I just finally got enough to splurge and get my self a computer. Though while I was away I have been writing so hopefully I will be able to update enough to make up for the time I was away. A warning though there will be cutting in this chapter.**_

 _ **Sorry again for the wait.**_

 _ **\- Brittany**_

Callie had ran out of the house tears filling her eyes, how could she have been so stupid? She had let these two women get into her mind, they had torn down so many of her walls with out her even realizing it. Now she did though and that was going to end. Why shouldn't it they were just getting rid of her. She was to blame though, their lives had been so much easier with out her there. Hell she knew that the second night she had been there and had left to get Jude that she was going to be a problem for this family. It probably would have been fine if Brandon hadn't followed but that boy was stubborn and always stuck his nose in everything. All she had wanted to do was get her brother out of that house. Sure Stef showing up had helped tremendously but it would have been better if the older woman had not shown up. Well it would have been better for her. But her allowing Brandon to come had meant they had found her and found her one weakness. Jude. Weather they had realized it or not them Showing Love to Jude had made it harder for Callie to get them out of there and on their own again. Jude had taken a liking to Lena. He loved her He loved both Stef and Lena but Lena reminded both of them of their own mother. How could Callie have even thought of taking Jude away from that?

Callie just wanted to protect her brother but at the same time she had stopped protecting her self. Letting Stef and Lena get to her had made her weak. They had thrown her off of her game that was changing now though. She thought as she hastily wipe tears out of her eyes. No she wouldn't cry crying was weak and the last thing Callie was, was weak. Finally being able to see with the tears gone from her eyes Callie looked around and realized she had no idea where she was which was perfect Someone would notice she was gone and would go looking for her. Her not being in one of her normal hang out spots would put a delay in the Fosters finding her, and would give her time to do what she had originally set out to do.

Looking around Callie saw a convenience store down the way and headed towards it. The itch to cut was becoming unbearable but to be able to satisfy it she needed tools. Walking across the street She headed into the store and straight to the shaving section picking up the cheapest set of razors she could find.

Having the razors in her hands she felt giddy. This had been the longest she had gone with out cutting. Having them in her hands and knowing what she was about to do made her feel right. It was as though cutting was the only thing that mattered in life. Heading to the counter she hesitated a moment, Stef and Lena would be disappointed. But they weren't going to find out. She didn't matter to them anymore. They were getting rid of her like yesterdays paper. She was old new she didn't matter anymore. With out cutting Callie would not be able to handle this information.

Shaking her head she walked up to the counter and paid the lady. They were a little expensive but at the moment Callie was not thinking about the money she was spending that she should have been saving, seeing as she didn't know were her and Jude were heading after this. But this was important she felt as though she was going crazy. She hadn't realized how much she had missed this. It was like a drug going though her system. Her adrenaline was running and everything felt so right and wrong at the same time.

She walked out of the store hoping to find a secluded place soon. She did not want to be stopped if some one saw her.

Callie walked for another ten minutes before she found a park with only a few people on the other end of it. Thankfully the day had been pretty cloudy and Yesterday they had called for rain. She was sure that if it hadn't been the park would have been packed. Finding an area surrounded by trees and off of the walking trail she sat against one of them making sure it was big enough to hide her so she could not be seen by any one walking by she ripped open the razor package. Finding a large enough rock she smashed the head of the razor cracking it enough that she could pry out the single blade in there.

Holding the razor in her hand she watched the light gleam off of it. It was as though she was welcoming an old friend. Holding it in her hand was like a warm embrace and she finally felt like herself. More so than she had in the last few days. It felt like a weight in her hand but not uncomfortable it just felt right. Closing her eyes she ran her finger along the cool smooth metal a soft smile forming on her lips. She had missed this.

Lower the blade to her wrist felt like an eternity but she knew it was only a few seconds. She felt the blade dig into her wrist and she held her breath, But at the same time it felt like she could finally breath again. This would make everything okay again. Everything would feel so much better after this. Dragging the blade to the side she watched fascinated as the blood from her wrist started to bead up and then flow heavier. The itch beneath her skin had subsided some but it was still there willing her to go on. So she did again and again until she was numb and could no long feel it beckoning her to continue.

Callie leaned back further into the tree and closed her eyes taking a deep breath. For the first time in a while it felt as though she was actually living not going through the motions. She could feel everything and nothing. It was wonderful and she never wanted this feeling to end

Stef was livid after her conversation with Bill she couldn't believe what the social worker had said she almost thought she had heard him wrong but she knew what she had heard and what he had said. He had been so good with the twins. He had been a different person then. She looked at her phone again and shook her head she needed to calm down. She would deal with Bill later right now though she was going to make breakfast for her family and then she was going to spend the day with them. Standing up she made her way into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee before getting out everything to make her famous pancakes. She didn't make them often but she felt as though the kid deserved them. Maybe she could wrangle some of them into helping her. They should be waking up soon enough. Though she was surprised Callie was not awake yet the girl was normally awake for hours before the rest of the kids. Though with everything going on Stef was happy she was finally getting some sleep. The girl needed it.

Smiling to her self she thought of finally being able to adopt both Callie and Jude. Those two had made their lives so much better. Sure it started out rough but Stef understood why Callie had gone after Jude she would have as well. That man they had been placed with was not a good person. After the conversation she had just had with Bill she wondered if them being placed in that home was caused from all of the cutting corners.

Hearing some one walking down the stairs broke Stef out of her thoughts, she looked up seeing Lena come around the corner and smiled at her.

"Morning love." She said as Lena walked over to her kissing her softly.

"Mm morning, how long have you been awake?"

"Not long I decided to get an early head start and called Bill to talk to him about the adoption." She watched as Lena's eye brows raised. She wasn't sure if it was surprise or if she was waiting for her to continue.

"And how did that go you don't sound happy. What did he say?"

"Oh I am not happy we are getting the kids a new social worker. I no longer want Bill working on Callie and Jude's case. He basically told me we deserve better than Callie and he highly suggests we only keep her until he can find a new placement for them." This time she was sure Lena was in shock. The other womans mouth fell open.

" He said that?" Stef nodded her head, she still couldn't believe it her self.

"Word for word.

"Did Callie hear this?"

"No of course not there is no way the phone wasn't on speaker and Callie is still sleeping."

"Callie isn't in her room love. I checked on them before I came down here." Both women looked at each other for a moment before heading up the stairs and to the girls bedroom heading in with out knocking.

"Hey!" Their eyes fell on Mariana who was standing by her dresser looking back at them

"Mariana have you seen Callie?" Stef asked ignoring the fact that Mariana had yelled.

"No she hasn't been up here for a while. Why?" They ignored her as they headed out of the room looking around the house and out back hoping she had just headed out there when they did not find her Stef pulled out her phone and turned on the tracking app only to find that the only phone she could not track was Callies. She must have turned it off.

"Well?" Lena asked looking at Stef hopefully.

"Her phones off." Stef spoke unable to keep the frustration out of her voice. She knew that over reacting and getting angry would not help them find the teenager but she didn't know what else to do. She was scared and when she was scared she got frustrated. Especially when it was her fault. She had head something earlier when she was on the phone she should have looked more into it. She should have known when she didn't see Callie early that morning that something was off. She shouldn't have been on the phone with Bill where anyone could just walk by and here her conversation. This was all her fault she thought.

"Maybe its nothing, maybe we are just over reacting shes been doing so good. We can't just jump to this conclusion every time we cant find her." Lena said though her voice did not sound convincing at all. She was trying to be the reasonable one but they both had the same fear running through their minds.

"We need to find her." Both of the women spoke at the same time.


	18. Chapter 18

Stef automatically pulled out her phone and found the tracking app on her home screen, it seemed like she was using this more and more often with Callie. She closed her eyes and silently prayed that the teenager hadn't shut off her phone. She really didn't think she could handle driving around aimlessly looking for the girl again. Of course the first place they would look would be the cemetery this time, but with their luck Callie would not be there this time. She chose the number that she wanted to track and waited only a few moments before it pinged and she took in the screen. Thank god this time the girls phone had not been shut off.

"I found her, her phone isn't off she is at a park a few miles away." She spoke to Lena who had been looking at her expectantly.

"A park? Maybe we should call her and give her a chance to explain." Lena said being ever the optimist.

"You can call her in the car I am going to go bring our daughter home." Stef said already walking away towards the front door picking up her car keys on her way. Lena following only a step behind she wanted to give Callie the benefit of the doubt but they both had a bad feeling in the pit of their stomachs that neither could ignore.

"Where are you guy's going?" They looked at the Stairs to see Brandon standing on the bottom one still in his pajamas.

"We just have to go do something bud we will be back in a little its nothing to worry about." Stef answered first not wanting to worry any of their kids at the moment, they did not have the full story yet and

Really had nothing to go on besides Callie was at a park and a bad feeling in the pit of their stomachs.

"Just something? That's why I heard you just say you are going to bring your daughter home? Callie did something stupid again didn't she?"

Stef sighed and turned back around to face their oldest son.

"We don't know and even if she did we all need to be patient and understanding. She is hurting bud and that is the best thing we can do for her."

"No the best thing you can do for her is put her away this isn't normal. She is just doing it for attention." Neither of the women could believe what they were hearing from their eldest.

"Brandon! How could you even think to say something like that. We talked about this."

"No you talked and wouldn't let me say anything on this." He interrupted Stef stepping off the stairs.

"Lena go to the park and bring Callie home me and Brandon need to have another talk about this apparently." Honestly Stef didn't want Lena to go alone but if Callie had gone out and cut this was the last thing the girl needed to be brought back to. She watched as Lena nodded and headed out the door before turning back around to look expectantly at her son waiting for him to say something else.

"Well you wanted to talk and you have my full attention now. So say what you need to say to me because if you say anything like that around Callie there will be hell to pay Brandon, and you will be kissing your freedom good bye." She didn't want to punish the boy but they really could not afford to have Callie hearing anything like that

"Maybe she needs to hear it mom. Coddling her like this is just giving her what she wants. She is going to keep doing it over and over again because you and Mama keep running to her."

"We are not coddling her Brandon we are trying to keep her _alive_. We would do the same for any of you kids if you were going through this."

"Going through what? If she wanted to kill her self she would have already. The fact she let you guys find out is just proving she is only doing this fore one thing attention." Stef took a step back and shook her head. Maybe her and Lena should have brought this up to their kids sooner. If all of them thought this way it was going to be hell for them and Callie. She thought that her children out of any would understand someone going through this.

"Let us find out? The last thing she wanted was for us to find out. Cutting is her way of coping it is the only thing that she can have control of. It is an addiction Brandon and it is a very, Very dangerous one. No Callie does not want to die right now but it is a very thin line to walk when some one start cutting. One thing could sway them either way to salvation or death. And sadly usually that one thing leads to death. Mama and I are trying to keep her alive .She needs no she deserves some one to pull her back to the right side."

"Yeah cause the thing our family needs right now is to deal with another addiction. You can't save everyone" Stef opened her mouth to answer but pause and took in her son, she knew there had to be a reason he was so unhappy with all of this it never dawned on her it was the addiction part. He had been so young when Mike went through the worst part of his drinking she thought he didn't remember that.

"So that's what this is about. Brandon this is nothing like your father."

"This has nothing to do with Dad he had a serious problem." He spoke interrupting the older woman.

"So does Callie Brandon and she needs our help this is the safest place for her to be. I am sorry you are not happy about that but she is here to stay and is not going any where Mama and I are adopting both Callie and Jude. And you need to come to piece with that. If there is anything I can do to help make that easier for you I will gladly do it but it is happening Brandon."

The teenager just shook his head and walked back up stairs slamming his door behind him making sure she heard it. Stef clenched her jaw but chose to ignore it she was going to let him calm down and try to talk to him later. Normally he was so understanding and one of the first to offer help to someone in need but this whole issue with Callie he was blowing it out of the water and she had no idea why.

Lena drove as fast as she could to the park with in the speed limit of course the last thing she needed to do was get in a car accident or pulled over before she got to her oldest daughter. She was still trying to give the young teenager the benefit of the doubt but the feeling in her stomach had just gotten worse through time and she was feeling very uneasy about this whole ordeal. She had tried calling the teenager but it just rang and rang until it went to voice mail.

"Damn it Callie." She swore under her breath. She wasn't mad but she just needed to know if the young girl was okay. Honestly she was not expecting an answer.

When she got to the park she found the first parking spot she could and threw it in park getting out of the car in record time. Thankfully this wasn't a very big park but it was still big enough it took some walking to cross to where the tracking app said Callie was.

"CALLIE." She called out hoping the teenager would answer her. She looked around not seeing anyone around and her stomach dropped not seeing anyone around. She walked further hoping she just missed something, but all she was seeing was trees no sign of her daughter.

She walked past a group of trees and if she hadn't been looking so hard she would have missed hearing the soft sniffling that sounded like someone was crying. Back tracking she found the easiest path to get through the trees.

'Callie?" She called out softer this time not wanting to startle who ever was behind the trees. This probably wasn't the safest move on her part she had no idea who was behind here but he mama bear mode was in full swing and she did not care as long as she found her daughter. When she finally reached the back of the jumbled trees she looked over and saw the young girl sitting against one of the largest trees.

"Oh Callie." She said and rushed over kneeling next to the teenager. She took in her appearance the redness of her eyes the tear streaks on her cheeks. Seeing the shape that her wrist was in covered in semi dried blood the breath caught in Lena's chest.

Callie stayed sitting against the tree watching the blood flow from her wrist it had slowed down she hadn't cut deep but it was deep enough to bleed for a few minutes. She was taking slow breaths basking in the feel of the after cut. All of her worries and tension had left her body all that mattered right now was this and it was making her feel so good. After not cutting for the last week no matter how much she wanted to this felt like she was giving her body all it needed. It was like she hadn't eaten in a week and was finally giving her body the nutrients it had been needing. She had not felt this good in a long while. She was even able to ignore the guilt she was feeling about betraying Stef and Lena like this.

She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and cursed her self she had been in such a rush to get her fix that she had forgot to shut off her phone. She thought about shutting it off but if Stef and Lena were tracking her they would already have her location no sense turning it off now. Not long after she felt her phone start vibrating over and over again. She was getting a phone call but she refused to ruin this feeling by answering it. No she knew she did not have long to enjoy this and she was going to make every moment she could last.

She hadn't even realize she had started crying again but the strange part was she didn't even know if they were from sadness or tears of relief.

Looking back down at her wrist she noticed the blood had started to dry and she had practically stopped bleeding. It wasn't a worry though because she had got what she needed from it for the moment. She could hear someone walking around and Calling her name but she didn't care enough to answer they would find her soon enough.

It wasn't long before someone came through the trees and she could see their jeans and Then Lena's face appeared next to hers.

"Oh Callie." She heard but still did not acknowledge her. She only snapped out of her trance when Lena's hand touched her arm and cloth pressed on the cuts trying to get her to stop bleeding completely. She went to push her away but did not have the strength or Lena was stronger that she looked.

"N-no." Her voice was horse from not using it and her mouth being so dry.

"Callie, love I have to get you to stop bleeding." Lena's voice was soft and kind. It always was though. No wonder Lena was a teacher her voice alone could comfort you add on her personality and even the most damaged person would feel at ease with the woman. She put up a little bit more of a fight but Lena finally got her to stop fighting and continued her work on her wrist.

"Oh Callie what brought this on love?" Lena looked at her from her spot kneeling in front of the girl but Callie just averted her eyes.

"Come on sweet heart talk to me." With those words Callie got angry how dare she talk to her like everything was normal when she was going behind her back and sending her away. Callie was hurt. More hurt than she should have been but once again she had allowed these women to break all of her rules which meant she was now able to feel hurt. How could they not know why she was feeling this. It was like a slap in the face to her. They pretended to care then pretended to not know why she would feel betrayed.

"You should know why you guys are sending us away. I Heard Stef talking to Bill this morning. You guys have been looking for a new home for me and Jude."

"What" she did not allow the older woman to finish.

" I heard Stef tell Bill you and her found a permanent home for us. How could I have thought you guys Cared you are like all the rest. No you are worse because you let us start to feel things for you guys and just rip that away from us. Abuse I can deal with because there no way to start feeling any thing for that person besides hate. But you guys treated us like we were one of you kids and then do this? It is not fair of you to come her and act like I have no right to feel like this Lena you have absolutely no right." Tears were freely falling from Callie's eyes now. She could not see the other woman's face due to them but if she could she would have seen the tears falling from the older woman's eyes as well. She wanted to get Callie home to check her wrist and make sure she did not need to get medical attention but Lena could see they were not going any where until she got Callie to understand that they were not going anywhere. Judging on the speech the young girl just gave it was clear they had a lot to still prove to the girl. She refused to let the girl believe she was not wanted. Because she was very much so.

"Callie." she saw Callie start to interrupt again but the girl needed to hear this. "No love you need to hear this. Yes we did find a permanent home for you and Jude but you are already in that home. We want to adopt you guys. The other kids already agreed to it. You guys aren't going anywhere."

"don't lie to me Lena."

"Love I'm not lying if you would have come and talked to one of us we would have to you the exact same thing this morning. You are stuck with us Callie that is of course if you want to it is your choice now love." The woman Leaned forward wiping the tears away from the younger girls eyes so she could see the sincerity in her eyes. " We want to be your forever home."

Callie started at the woman trying to read her she saw nothing but truth in her eyes but the voices in the back of her mind were making it hard to believe the woman. Lena saw the hesitation in the girls eyes and vowed to show her every day that she was wanted and loved no matter how long it took.


	19. Chapter 19

Lena sat next to Callie silently trying to ignore the situation they were in at the moment. It was making it hard as she was looking over the wounds that Callie had inflicted on herself. Callie had not said a single word since she started looking over them just sat there staring off into space not even looking at the older woman. She barley even moved it was like she was a statue and Lena was extremely worried. She needed to get the teenager home so they could properly look at these and get them cleaned out, which she couldn't do here. But she knew Callie wouldn't cooperate in her current state.

"Callie love I need you to talk to me. What is going on in that head of yours?" This wasn't the first time the older woman had tried getting the teenager to talk to her but she knew she needed to keep trying there was no way she was going to let the girls walls go up any further than they already were. She wouldn't let her keep going down this path of self-destruction anymore. No she would not sit by and watch one of her children kill themselves. But she needed Callie to talk to her to let her in even the slightest. Yes, she had a vague knowledge of what caused her to go into this relapse but she wanted no needed to know what really cause Callie to do this.

Callie though just glanced at her and shook her head she wasn't going to talk. Because if she started talking to Lena she knew she wouldn't stop and talking to the woman meant letting her in. And Callie well she wouldn't let her self do that ever again. No she was going to keep her silence until they sent her away. She was done talking. Done trying. Callie well she was just done. She had given up this was her last hope at a real family and she was never going to feel that again so Callie was just going to hold strong until she was safe again.

Sure the Foster home was safe in general, but not to Callie's rules. She had let her self break them but now, now she knew she had to follow those even more now than ever before. Knowing they were going to let her go had destroyed her more than Liam, more than any abusive foster home ever had. She was losing a mother no two mothers once again. Something Callie had promised herself she would never ever feel again. So no she wasn't going to talk to Lena she reminded her to much of her own birth mother and that is why she knew if she started talking to the woman she would not be able to stop herself.

"Callie love please I need you to talk to me. So I can help you. I know you are hurting but I can't help you if I don't know what is going on." Lena was now kneeling in front of the young girl trying to look in her eyes to try and read the girl. But Callie was guarded way more than even the first night she had been in their house. That worried Lena even more. Because in one day they had went from making monumental progress to being back to step one. No not even step one way before that. At least that night Lena had been able to get the teen to open up even a little. This was scaring Lena and honestly she had no idea how to help Callie. She wished with all her might that she could just take all the pain away from the girl but she knew she couldn't. She honestly wasn't sure how they could help her but that did not mean she would ever stop trying. The only time she would ever stop caring and stop trying to help one of her children would be the day she died.

Still getting no response from the girl she sighed and checked her wrists once again the dried blood caused her stomach to turn but at least they were no longer bleeding that was a plus.

"Okay love if you don't want to talk that's okay, but can we at least move to the car so I can take you home and get you cleaned up." At the word home she felt Callie tense up. She looked up once again to try and gauge Callie's response but got nothing but a blank stare. "Please Callie you don't have to talk I just want to make sure nothing is seriously wrong." That was probably a bad choice of words on her part obviously there was something seriously wrong or Lena wouldn't be sitting her in this situation with her eldest daughter but she wanted to make sure the girl didn't need stitches and wanted to get them cleaned up. If the least they could do was make sure the wounds didn't get infected well at this point Lena would take it. She needed to help Callie and if right now that was the only way she could help her daughter then so be it. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and sighed pulling it out and looking at the screen. She had missed five calls from Stef. Oh god Stef was probably worried sic she had been gone for almost an hour and had not updated her partner. Pressing the call but she only had to wait for it to ring once before Stef picked up.

"Lena thank god is everything alright did you find Callie? What is going on? Why weren't you answering?" At this moment Lena felt guilty with hearing the panic filling the woman's voice. She would have been feeling the same way if the roles were reversed.

"Yes Love I found her, but..." She trailed off not really wanting to say how she had found the teenager

"But what Lena? Is she okay?" Lena glanced over at Callie again. She did not want to have this conversation over the phone with the girl in question sitting right next to her.

"I am going to bring her home Stef we just need a few more minutes. We will be home shortly." She could hear Stef's protests but hung up the phone anyway it was not fair to Callie to have to hear them talking about her without having any say.

"Come on love let's get you back to the house." She said avoiding the word home she had noticed every time she had said home Callie had tensed up so she was trying her best to avoid saying it if she could. Callie looked up at her and sighed she knew Lena wasn't going to take no for an answer and stood up ignoring Lena's offered hand. She knew what battles she could win and what battles she would lose. Going back to the house that was not an option but she did not need to accept help

The car ride was silent not even the radio was playing Callie was lost in her own thoughts but the silence was deafening to Lena. She kept glancing over to Callie hoping the girl would say something anything. Hell at this point she would have rather had Callie yelling obscenities rather than just staring blankly ahead. At least if she was screaming she would have known the girl was still in there. What ever had set the teen off seemed to have broken the girls spirit.

The moment they pulled up to the house Stef was out the door and to the car in a matter of seconds. She swung open the door and neither of them could help but feel hurt as Callie flinched away from her. She was deeper in her mind than Callie feared the girl was never once to show a weakness and flinching was a weakness in the girl's mind. Lena watched as Stef took in the state of the teenager she knew that Stef saw the state of Callie's wrist. The girl had been trying to hide them from Stef but it was pretty hard to hide anything from. Especially when she was worried.

"Oh love..." That was all Stef could mutter as she took Callie's hands in hers to get a better look at them.

"Lets get these cleaned up shall we?" Stef said looking across the car to Lena giving her a look that said they needed to talk. Callie still said nothing as they headed up to their room. The rest of the kids were sitting in the living room but they just walked past them they would deal with them later right now the priority was making sure Callie was okay. Getting Callie cleaned up was surprisingly easy which worried both women. She just sat there as they cleaned up and coved her cuts in gauze.

"Callie you need to talk to us. Now." Stef said. Lena sighed as she heard the frustration budding in Stefs voice. She knew Stef was not angry with the teenager just frustrated with the circumstances, but in Callie's fragile mind she would only see the blond woman being angry with her.

"Stef." Lena placed her hand on the other woman's shoulder giving her a look to calm down.

"Callie love please what sent you into this." Lena said kneeling in front of the girl once more.

"Like you don't know." Callie said with an eye roll. She was tired of their condescending questions. She wished they would just get this over with.

"No love we don't know. Did you hear my conversation with Bill this morning is this what this is about?"

"When will he be here?"

"What do you mean love Bill isn't." Lena started but Callie cut her off talking over the rest of her sentence.

"I heard your conversation I know you found a home for Jude and I. So when are you sending us away. I may not have much but I would like to make sure I grab everything I brought with me."

"Callie love we aren't sending you away. The family I was talking about was ours. We want you and Jude to stay with us. We would never ever send you away. We were going to ask you and Jude about it today. We already talked to the other kids they want you to stay here to become an Adams-Foster." Lena said as she knelt in front of the girl.

"You're lying. You don't. I…" Callie was having a hard time forming all the thoughts and emotions rushing through her mind. No matter how hard she tried to fight it tears started spilling from her eyes. She couldn't help it. Her mind was jumbled and she couldn't push back the rush of emotions she was feeling. The fear of losing a mother again. The anger at herself for once again letting them get into her mind. The abandonment she had been feeling all day. Everything had broken though her walls and right now she could not stop it.

"Callie." Lena said placing he and on the girl's cheek willing her to look her in the eyes so she could see the truth filling them. "I know what you heard scared you and you don't believe us at the moment, but I promise you we aren't letting you go. We never will and we will do anything in our powers to prove that to you. I promise you sweet heart. You are our daughter and nothing is ever going to change that." Lena used her thumb to wipe away the tears falling freely down the girl's cheeks. Callie sat there staring into the woman's eyes for a few moments. All she could see was the love and truth behind Lena's eyes. Seeing the unconditional love broke something in Callie and she fell forward into the older woman's arms finally letting everything she had been feeling out. Not a moment later she felt another set of arms wrap around her and she knew Stef had joined them on the floor. She knew later she would regret letting them get this close again but at the moment it felt nice to have her mothers holding her.

Callie sat in her room later that night she wasn't really doing anything but staring at the wall but everyone in the house knew she needed a little time to herself after the morning she had. And honestly she figured everyone else was taking this time to get their mind around everything as well. She had seen Stef and Lena both walk by a few times since she had been in here. Callie knew they had been checking up on her without trying to make it seem obvious which she appreciated but they weren't very subtle. A knock on the door shook her out of her thoughts. Figuring it would be either Stef or Lena she looked up and her heart dropped into her stomach as she saw Jude standing in the door. He hesitated a moment before crossing the thresh hold and walking across the room to her bed. Neither of them said anything as he sat next to her in the bed. She swallowed around the lump in her throat as she felt the tension fill the room.

"You hate me don't you?" Callie asked suddenly breaking the silence of the room. She watched from the corner of her eye as his head snapped over to look at her. Shock filling his face.

"No Callie I could never hate you. Do I hate the fact that you are doing this to yourself? Yes but no I don't hate you I could never hate you. Honestly as much as I hate this I understand why you were drove to doing this." He said gesturing to the bandages that now covered her wrists once again. "If you remember I was in those houses with you. I saw what you saw. I know what you went through in those hell holes to protect me." He was looking at her now though she could not bring her self to face him. She could still see the tears that were beginning to fill his eyes.

"Don't say hell Jude." He chuckled suddenly shaking his head.

"of course that is what you worry about from that sentence. But seriously no one else may get why you are going through this and doing this to yourself but I do I saw what you went through. I wish you hadn't. You spent so much time trying to teach me to protect myself but you never let me."

"That was for emergencies for when I wasn't there Jude. I could not have lived with my self if I ever let those people hurt you. I would do it all over again to keep you safe."

"But the thing is Callie I wouldn't. You are my sister I am supposed to have your back too."

"You were just a kid Jude"

"And so were you Callie, you still are. So please let Stef and Lena help you, I can't no I refuse to lose you too not when it is preventable."

" Jude I don't cu…" Callie trailed off still not comfortable admitting to him that she was a cutter. " I'm not doing this to kill my self."

"No but accidents happen Callie. You could cut too deep one time and it could be all over. It happens more times than you think. So please im begging you let them help you."

"Im trying Jude. It's hard for me"

"I know you are Cal I just don't want to lose you"

 _ **AN: Hey guys I know a lot of you want to see Callie get better soon. But the thing about self harm is it takes a long time before you start truly getting better. I know in my own experience that I had more lows than highs. I felt as though I was never going to get better. Hell to this day I still struggle with it. But I want this story to feel as real as possible to show that even with the endless uphill battles and the pain and heart ache you can get better and that there is still hope. I want people to know that it is okay to get help to talk to someone**_


	20. Chapter 20

_**AN: Hey guys I apologize for my absence. I have been going through a bit of a rough patch and couldn't bring my self to update this or any of my stories. I lost my job and had to move again so that put a little bit of a damper on being able to update. But I am going to try and update now that I am in a place where I have internet and am in a better state of mind. Thank you for your patience.**_

Callie Laid in bed that night staring up at the ceiling. She could not believe she had been caught in that situation today. The last thing she ever wanted was for Stef or Lena to find her like that. She never wanted anyone to find her in that state. It was her safe place and she felt as though it was now tainted. She knew there was really no way she would ever be able to get away from any of them to cut. Stef and Lena had already taken the locks off of all of the doors, claiming it was in her best interest. She understood they cared and were trying to help but in Callie's mind this was not helping her. It was taking away her coping mechanism. Sure it wasn't the best way but she was sure there were worse ways she could be coping with everything. She could be into drugs those did more damage than cutting ever would. She could be drinking and killing her liver and brain cells. No she was just taking control and helping her self. Why could no one understand that?

Sighing she glance over at the alarm clock. The numbers on the screen just taunted her. Three thirty in the morning, she contemplated getting up but she was sure someone would hear and come investigate. That was the last thing she wanted. Everyone had been not so subtly hovering over her. They were trying to have her not notice, but when everyone is in the same room as her pretending to do something, Stef with her pater work and not writing. Lena with her reading and never once turning the page. Jesus had gone into the kitchen seven times but that really wasn't anything new so he could have honestly just been hungry. Mariana had been doing her and Jude's nails but usually they did that in her and Mariana's room. They had all tried and failed to give her a sense of privacy though which she had appreciated but this family was very obvious. Brandon had been the only one who had not checked up on her. Callie knew he was doing it to teach her a lesson that she 'couldn't get the attention she was do desperately seeking' his words not hers. But yet she was thanking who ever was listening that he had ignored her all night. She was getting enough attention as is.

Stef and Lena had told her they would be talking in the morning and she was dreading it. She hated when people told her they needed to talk. Was yesterday to much and they decided they actually weren't going to adopt her and Jude. She could understand her but hopefully if it came down to that they would keep Jude he did nothing wrong. Looking over at the clock she sighed again as only two minutes had passed by. Morning was coming far to slow and far to quick at the same time. At least if morning came she would be able to get up with out anyone questioning her. But once morning came she had to face the two older women.

Hearing a shuffling her head snapped to the other side of the room only to be blinded by a light as Mariana sat up and turned her bedside lamp on.

"Can't sleep?" The younger girl asked looking over at Callie.

"No now that there is a light on it cant." Callie snapped back. She felt bad for snapping at Mariana but it was another defense mechanism she had. It usually got people to leave her alone. That and she had thought the other girl had been fast asleep she was not expecting to be questioned at this time.

"You have been sighing for the last hour so I know you haven't been sleeping and the light isn't what is keeping you awake. What's wrong?" She could see the concern filling the younger teenagers eyes and instantly felt bad about snapping at her.

"Nothing is wrong I am fine." Callie attempted to roll over hoping to get the other girl to stop questioning her and just go back to sleep. But her rolling over caused her to miss the look of disbelief on the younger girls face. Then the look of determination. After what had been happening here lately Mariana was not just going to ignore the fact Callie could not sleep and was obviously over thinking something.

"You know you can talk to me Callie. I know I may not act like it all the time but I do care about you all of us do." She paused for a moment before speaking again. "You may not see it yet but you are family to us. Even Brandon though he is not showing that fact here lately." She watched Callie for a few minutes as the older teenager just laid there ignoring her. Well she thought she was ignoring her but Callie had been listening the words the other teenager spoke seeping into her brain. For some reason Mariana saying these things got to her more than if Jude or the moms had said it. In her mind Jude had to love her and Stef and Lena were just so nice and caring she felt like they needed to say things like this. Not that she doubted they cared, but her and Mariana had gotten off to a really rocky start and her saying these things she had no ulterior motive. She wasn't trying to make her feel better about her self. She heard the truth behind the girls voice.

"Do you want me to get moms?" Mariana had no idea what was going through Callie's mind and she had no way of helping Callie besides getting them. She did not want anything like what had happened today to happen again.

"No!" Callie almost yelled but she was able to get her volume to just a yell whisper. She did not need to wake everyone in the house. "I just can't sleep. No need to bother them."

"It wouldn't be bothering them I used to wake them up for the stupidest stuff and they never once acted like it bothered them. They really don't care it's kind of their job to comfort their kids Callie."

"Yeah well you are their kid I am not." It was Mariana's turn to sigh this time. She wished there was some way to show Callie that she was a part of their family.

"You do realize I wasn't always adopted by them right? When we first got her they had months of restless nights. I used to be so afraid we would be taken away or they would just give up on us and drop us off at the police station again. They had their kid already so why would they want two kids whose mother couldn't take care of them? They didn't need that burden on them. I used to cry every night and be so afraid of upsetting them. And every night while Jesus was trying to comfort me they would come in cause you know Stef and her super hearing she would hear me crying and her or Lena would come in and comfort me. I always thought that they would be upset me waking them up in the middle of the night, because my birth mother would get upset But you know they never once yelled at me they would lay both me and Jesus down and would comfort us until we finally fell asleep. They didn't have to do that for us but they still did because even then we were family to them. You are too Callie."

"Yeah well you were little, and you hadn't messed up as much as I have." Callie was pulling at straws here now, her and Mariana both knew this.

"You think I have never messed up? If you don't remember I was selling Jesus's medication to give money to my birth mother when you first got here. You have brought me home drunk. And there are countless other times that I have messed up, that does not make them love or care for you any less." All she got in return was Callie's silence once again. "I won't go get them if you don't want me to I don't want to force that on you I know you have had a rough day, but you should know they are here for us all of us including you no matter what time of day. They don't stop being moms just because the sun went down." With that she shut off her lamp and laid her head back down. Neither of the girls heard the steps heading away from their bedroom door and back to their mothers room.

Stef walked back to her and Lena's room with a smile on her face after hearing Mariana's little speech to Callie. She was going to interrupt but it seemed as though the younger teen had it in hand.

"Is everything alright?" Lena asked as she stepped into the room.

"Yeah it's good for now. Mariana handled it." She caught the look of confusion on the other woman's face and just smiled once again. "She was trying to convince Callie to come talk to us apparently Callie was having a hard time sleeping. But I think she got through to Callie a little bit."

"What are we going to do Stef? today scared me."

"Me to love but we will figure it out and take it day by day. All we can do is be there for her when she needs us. This is going to be hard on everyone but we will get through it we always do." Stef said kissing Lena on the forehead. "We will get through this." She said again as she turned off her own bedside lamp.

 _ **AN: Hopefully you enjoyed this I know it wasn't much but I still hope you all liked this.**_


	21. Chapter 21

**_So I really have no excuse for not updating. I just haven't had the motivation for it. I do apologize about it I am trying to get back into writing but tonight was the first night in a long while I have found joy from it. I've been trying to find some inspiration for this story but honestly if you guys have any ideas that could help it would be greatly appreciated. I have some but don't quite know how to get to them from here._**

Callie had finally fallen asleep after her talk with Mariana that morning or night what ever you would decide to call it. Mariana had given her a lot to think about but at the same time had calmed her mind enough for her to finally drift off to sleep. She had know all of the other kids had messed up many of times and Stef and Lena had never treated them any differently whether they were adopted or biological, they were all still loved just as deeply. Even though her and Jude had been in this house for a few months she had still yet to get used to being treated as part of this family. She finally had a mother again well two but she was still struggling with it. All of her other foster homes they had been treated like second class. She had not felt love like this since her mother was alive. And honestly it terrified Callie. She did not think she was good enough to be called their Daughter. She was just some screwed up foster kid who was only meant to be in their care for a few days not months. There was always a voice in the back of her mind feeding her doubts. She was sure they would get sick of her soon and that was why she wanted to keep them at arms length cause it would hurt less if it was her choice right? If they couldn't get close enough for her to care She couldn't be hurt by it again right? Honestly all the previous homes she had wanted to leave those homes they were what had sent her down this path in the first place, but this home this was her family and that was her worst fear. She wasn't even afraid of death but losing this family would hurt worse than an pain she ever felt in her life. Bu if she could push them away it wouldn't be their choice it would be her own and that is what Callie needed right now was control of her life

Opening her eyes the first thing Callie noticed was the room was brighter than it ever was when she woke up. Confused she looked over at the clock and noticed the time. It was after ten in the morning she had never slept this late or long. It felt weird being actually rested. But at the same time she felt even more tired than when she went to bed. Maybe it was a side effect of not sleeping more than a few hours every night for the last few months. Honestly she was surprised her body hadn't crashed a long time ago. She actually contemplated going back to sleep but she had already slept four hours since her normal time waking up no use throwing her body off more than it already was. Pulling her blanket back she rolled out of bed heading towards the restroom. She almost jumped when there as a knock at the door. She had not heard anyone walking around. It was unusually quiet for a sunday morning in this house with five teenagers there was never really a quiet moment in the house.

"Come in." She called looking over towards the door. She was not surprised to she Lena open the door. She figured it was one of the two older women.

"Hey honey I was just coming to wake you. We wanted to let you get your sleep so we left you this morning but it was getting pretty late." Lena said with a soft smile. Callie felt a tug at her heart. It was these moments she knew they cared. Sure they did normal parent stuff like provide food and shelter. But most parents would have come and woke her up hours ago even if she had went to bed late at night. It proved they actually cared. She was glad they let her sleep in cause she actually felt human and even though she was still tired she didn't feel like a zombie just going through the motions.

"You could have woke me. I probably should have woke up a long time ago." Callie said back trying to ignore the feeling in the pit of her stomach that being rude had caused. She hated being rude to these women but it was the only way she knew how to keep her walls up.

"Well when you are ready come down stairs I made sure to save you some breakfast love." Lena said with another soft smile ignoring the girls words she knew Callie would be off today after the day she had yesterday. She didn't know exactly how she was feeling but her and Stef both figured today would go one of two ways. Callie would flat out refuse to talk to them or she would get very defensive. It was looking like it would be the later but they were prepared to deal with it.

"Okay" Was Callie's only response. Lena had hoped she would be a little more responsive after yesterday she had thought they had a little break through but it seemed every time they took one step forward it seemed as they fell a few steps back. She could tell the teenager wanted to let them in but had not come to that conclusion on her own. It was a struggle with Lena she wanted the girl to let them in and let them comfort her but at the same time if they pushed to hard Callie would push back harder and her walls would go back up and any progress they had made with breaking through them would mean absolutely nothing. They would be back at square one. They hadn't made much progress getting her to trust them but from where they started it was a huge step forward.

Lena stepped back out and shut the door knowing the girl was waiting for her to leave. She would come to them in her own time. She knew they needed to talk to her and she trusted the girl enough to know she would come to them in her own time. Walking down the stairs she went back to the kitchen where she had left Stef.

"Callie awake?"

"Yeah she had woke up before I came up but by the looks if it she had not been up long maybe a few minutes."

"That's good she needed the sleep." Stef said before taking a sip of her coffee. "Was she heading down here?"

"I think she needed a little more time before she comes down, she knows we have to have a talk about yesterday and I think she needs to get her thoughts together before she can deal with it."

"Well at least shes acting like a teenager. All the kids do the same thing they think we don't know what they are doing either." Stef said with a smile. "Think they realize when we were kids we did the exact same thing?"

"I don't think our kids even realize we were teenagers at one point." Lena said with a smile of her own. "I believe they have all said at one point or another that we wouldn't understand what they are going through because they are teenagers."

"Well honestly I have no idea what Callie is going through she has been through so much that I'm honestly surprised she hasn't met her breaking point." Stef said with a sigh. Sure Callie was cutting but being a cop she knew it could be so much worse. She could be addicted to drugs, drinking. Hell she knew Callie could be dead by this point. She had seen so many people take their lives over issues like what her daughter had gone through. She refused to let Callie become one of those statistics.

"I know but we will help her through it. No matter how long it takes." Lena said hugging Stef from behind and placing a kiss on her cheek. They would get through this Callie was a strong girl. And they would be strong for her when she couldn't be. That is what family is for.

"I know we will I still hate seeing one of our children going through something this hard." Both women fell into silence after that. Each struggling with this. They had had some long talks about this and did some extensive research on how to help Callie. Stef had spoken with a councilor that worked with the police on helping kids from abusive homes. She had given Stef some numbers of therapists to look into including her own number. She knew how protective Stef was of her children and figured she would want to have some choices on who they would have Callie go to. Even if it wasn't her she knew Stef had good judgement and all of the numbers she had given the woman were of people she knew were good with kids from abusive homes and would be patient with Callie. With how long the teenage had kept all of this bottled up she would be really hesitant to open up to any one, especially a therapist. The teenager had most likely been to plenty through out her life and would have a hard time trusting anyone in the field. But she knew Stef and had met Lena on many occasions, with what she told her about the young girl she knew they would get through it together.

The woman had also given Stef some pointers on what would happen. Callie would most likely shut them out at first. She was not used to not being able to rely on cutting to get her through the day so she would be angry with them for taking her coping mechanism away. She would fight them every step of the way. She would have bad days where she may relapse but told Stef no to become angry with the girl just to help her though it. Not to make her feel bad if it did happen. That they needed to show her there were better ways to deal with all the emotions other than cutting. She also told her not to crowd her or be too over baring because she knew from experience that if parents became over baring just like any other kid, they would learn new ways to get around it. She would become better at hiding the cutting and become more secretive and that became even more dangerous. She could also develop worse and more dangerous habits.

She also had given Stef a list of ways to help Callie out with finding better ways to express the anger and hurt she was feeling. Depending on the person the out comes were different. IF Callie was more athletic to try getting into exercise like boxing or running anything that she could do when ever she felt the need to cut. She had found those two options the best boxing let out all of the frustration better, but running helped because she could set her mind on how far she wanting to run and when she reached that goal she would feel better mentally and physically. Or if she was more artistic she could try painting writing drawing to get all of the emotions she was feeling out. She had found art really let anyone show how they were feeling with out actually having to say a word.

Stef had thanked the woman immensely for the help and the numbers for all of the therapist. She would bring up all of this to Callie in their talk today they wanted Callie's opinion on what she wanted to do obviously they knew she did not want to talk to a therapist but she would be going. They know there is some topics Callie does not want to talk to them about and whether she talked with them about it or a therapist they would just be happy she would finally be able to get out everything that had happened to her and start to heal from her past. Both Stef and Lena knew she would fight them on seeing a therapist but in the long run as long as she got the help she deserved they would deal with her being angry with them.

Hearing the stairs creek cause both women to lose their train of thoughts and look over to see Callie round the corner and pause in the entrance way to the kitchen. The teenager looking extremely nervous she had been trying to put on a brave face but both women knew her well enough to see the little ticks she had that gave away her true feelings. Like her playing with her mothers necklace around her neck. That right there was a dead give away when ever Callie was nervous or scared her instinct was to reach for that necklace and play with it between her fingers. Her bottom lip was also trapped between her teeth.

'Come sit love. Are you hungry?" Lena said moving around the counter towards the fridge where they had placed the plate they had made for Callie earlier in he morning incase she had wanted it.

"No. Uh no thank you I'm fine." Callie said breaking from her stupor. Still standing in the same spot that she was firmly planted to. "I'm uh not hungry." Another sign she was nervous when ever an of their kids were nervous they could not eat well except Jesus he was always hungry.

"Okay that's fine come sit with us love." Stef said with a soft smile and soothing voice. Trying to calm the girls nerves some. It took Callie a few moments but she finally moved across the kitchen and sat as far as she could from the two women. Which honestly wasn't far but still gave her some space in between them. They all at the for a moment not quite knowing how to start this conversation. It shocked both mothers as they were trying to get their thoughts together when Callie spoke.

"Are you going to send me to therapy?" The teenager asked her voice just loud enough for the mothers to hear she was looking down at her lap but they could still see she was nervous.

"Yeah sweets we have to mama and I both want to help you but we aren't the best qualified and we just want you to get better so you don't need to rely on cutting any more. " Stef answered for them looking over at the girl who had yet to look at them. the girl just nodded she had expected this. Well honestly she had expected them to say they were sending her to a nut house or just sending her away period but this was a better option. She really did not want that. She had lied her way through therapy before she could do it again they just needed to think she was getting better. She could pull that off.

"Okay just can it be a woman I don't want a male therapist." Which was completely honest she had a hard enough time trusting women men were even worse with her past. Women were the safer option.

"Of course what ever you are more comfortable with. We can meet a few of them if you need. And once we find one you are most comfortable with we will stick with them. But we need to know you are actually trying when we actually meet with them. We know this will be hard for you but if you just veto each on with no actual reason we will pick the one we trust the most and we really do not want to do that to you love." Stef spoke for them again. And she was being honest it would be Callie's choice but if she was just vetoing them because she did not want to go to therapy they would make the choice on who they though was best qualified to help the teenager.

"Okay fair enough." Callie said with a nod. Both women looked at each other as she agreed. This was oddly too easy. They had expected a fight a melt down screaming anything. Not her agreeing to everything. The girl was so high spirited most times and nothing ever got in her way. She had butted heads with them many times over them not agreeing on something. "As long as I have some say." Honestly that was important to Callie every time she had been sent to therapy it was some state appointed therapist there for the check nothing else. They always made Callie uncomfortable and other foster families didn't care about that.

"Alright well we are going to meet the first one tomorrow." They had expected getting Callie to agree would have taken longer so they didn't set one up for today they didn't want to throw this on her and then take her right to one. They didn't want to over do it with her so they were going to let her take the rest of the day to take all of this in but she seem so fire with all of this they were not sure whether they should be happy she was agreeing or worried. Only time would tell.


End file.
